10 Reasons Why I'm Not Buying A Wii

1. The wii is not cool. I’m no fashion guru, but I know anything that my Sister, Parents and Grandparents think is cool, is not cool by default.

2. The control device fools people into thinking any movement they make will be replicated on screen or in game, when actually in will detect movements on one axis (up and down, left and right, etc) at the right time.

3. It has 3 good games.

4. The actual Wii control is a nuisance in most games. This is because no one can be bothered to invent and / or invest in good Wii specific game controls.

5. My microwave is more powerful than the Wii, and cheaper, and readily available, and makes me tasty snacks, and contains radiation (which probably means I could make some cool mutants one day like Toxic Avenger).

6. Where are the games targeted for hardcore gamers? I appreciate this console will bring new gamers into the market, but do we only want to show them mini games or games with no depth?

7. The Wii doesn’t sound sexual (unless you’re into golden showers). i.e. ‘I put my Wii on my girlfriend’s boobs’ or ‘Are you licking my Wii ?’

8. All of the good games for Nintendo’s are made by Nintendo, which is great if you love Nintendo games, and don’t mind playing 2 - 3 games a year.

9. By owning a Wii you could get mistaken for a Nintendo fan boy. This breed of fan boy is particularly overbearing. They are your typical geek with large amounts of Manchild. Most of this species currently reside locally to Miyamoto’s anal passage.

10. If everybody spent as much time on the Wii as they did on real consoles, people would have melon sized shoulders like Hercules, but stomach and arms like Elvis before he took his last shit. Is that the kind of world you want to live in?

With all that said, I do respect what the Wii is doing for the games industry. It’s making the games industry accessible for everyone no matter age or gender. To further punctuate this step, I’d like to see some real games developed and targeted for our grandparents, sisters and brothers. Until now games have had a small demographic to cater for, it will be exciting to see what new genres develop over the coming years, Musical? Drama? Romantic Comedy? Best bring your tissues, it could be a weepy future.

Author: Albino Green -beefjack.com

By: Mister Cheese

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