10 Tips To Avoid Your Illness Support Group Becoming Depressing

If you have a chronic illness or live with chronic pain, it's highly likely that you have attended a support group at least one time since your diagnosis. Did the experience go something like this?

Despite feeling exhausted and in pain, you decided you would attend the group anyways. By the time you got there you were running late, couldn't find the suite number, and finally just parked and hiked to an upstairs room in a dark wing of the hospital. You quietly found a seat, a hard, sticky seat. People smiled at you, but soon they got back to their discussion and it seemed no one was feeling encouraged by it. They argued over the side effects of medicine being worth the benefits, two people tried to convince you to buy a juicer from them, and soon you were ready to run screaming from the room. It's too depressing!

Aren't support groups supposed to be a valuable coping tool?

The answer is yes! Studies completed by Dr. David Spiegel have concluded that support groups do in fact improve the quality of life of those who are willing to attend. Recent studies (CANCER, Sept 2007) have show that support groups do not actually increase the lifespan of one who lives with cancer. But regardless, by having one's feelings about her illness validated, her skills of coping with chronic illness are definitely more improved.

You may have attended a support group in the past or perhaps you are looking for leadership ideas for one you are starting. Regardless of how long you have (or have not) participated in one, it's likely that you've seen how quickly the groups can move from being an honest and sharing place to a session of complaints and even quarreling. Would you like some fresh icebreaker games for small groups to perk people up?

Here are 10 tips to help you make your chronic illness support group include some laughter as well as just the discussion of challenges. And these ideas will work for any groups, from a Dementia support groups in Dallas to an Ebsteins Anomaly support group. And these ideas are perfect to have when you are creating a proposal for starting up a support group.

1. Before your meeting, cut out some smiley faces and sad faces and glue them on each side of a stick or a plastic knife. When everyone goes around the room to share about their experiences or emotions of the week, ask people to make sure they are able to hold up both "faces'. For example, Beth may say, "I'm not looking forward to my joint replacement surgery and all the rehab afterwards" while holding up the sad side of the stick. And then she flips it to think of something positive to say "I feel blessed though, that the insurance is covering a lot of the expenses and my friends have volunteered to help take care of my children."

2. 2. Rethink your definition of what counts as indoor games for small groups. For example, ask everyone to bring an item to contribute to a JOY box and then pass it around during the meeting and let people choose everything to take home. The range of objects can be anything a silicone bracelet, a favorite poem, a funny DVD, an encouraging note or even a joke book. Have everyone return the item during the next meeting and occasionally have people bring fresh items.

3. Here's a unique icebreaker for small groups. Make a silly theme song that you use to start the meeting. You can pick a song and make up new lyrics too. Check out comedian Anita Renfroe for some good ideas about how to make a song your own at her web site.

4. Find some goofy props to bring to your meeting. Don't make anyone feel they must use or wear them. (Forcing someone to wear bug antennas may scare them away for good.) But make sure they are available to encourage light-hearted moments before discussing the depressing reasons you are there. You can find hundreds of items for a reasonable price at Oriental Trading Supply.

5. Don't let the group turn into a venting session for one member who insists dominating the conversation. There is often someone who insists on sharing details about diagnosis, treatments, complaints, family troubles etc. If you have someone who fits this description, implement a policy to set a timer. Make it fun by telling people they have 60 seconds to get anything off their chest and they can talk as fast as they want. Does someone want to share about a new alternative treatment? Give him/her a limited time like 1 -2 minutes and then invite people to ask for more details after the meeting.

6. Ask everyone to bring an item to include in a gift basket encouragement for someone else. It may be someone who cannot attend the group someone having surgery, or a friend of someone recently diagnosed. Put your ideas together about things people would like. Don't forget personal notes or even sticky notes on a small gift can mean the most.

7. Have a fun night out. You can act your age and go to a nice sit-down restaurant or head over to Chuck E. Cheese for some pin ball. It can definitely be a successful icebreaker for small groups because people who haven't opened up much in the group may feel relieved to have this environment to get to know others.

8. Have items on hand that will encourage people to thrive despite their illness. For example, National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness week has fun things like bumper stickers, pins, mugs and stickers that have themes like "My illness is invisible but my hope shines through."

9. Listen to a recording of potential guest speakers before inviting them to speak if possible. Some can be quite depressing. Let guest speakers know that you'd like their presentation to be on the positive side despite the topic of illness. Tell them they are welcome to tell a joke, pass out props, or whatever will keep people listening and also encouraged.

10. Focus on things that your group can actually do that will change things, since they may feel so unable to control their illness. If you can't physically participate in the local walk for charity, could you work at a table handing out snacks or doing registration? Find events your group can participate in to feel like they are doing more than just complaining about their predicament. Take advantage of the energy that teens with chronic illness often have to motivate support groups to get involved in outside projects.

Support groups can be one of the most vital tickets to living successfully with chronic illness, but the atmosphere of the group can make or break its effectiveness. With these few simple steps, your group can be a place of refuge and relaxation, creating an environment for people to live their best lives, despite the existence of an illness.

By: Lisa Copen

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Find more ideas for ice breakers for small groups with your free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen. Just sign up for a weekly encouragement ezine, HopeNotes.