If you have an out of control boy or wild thing as they are sometimes called, here are three tips to help you in managing him. According to some experts on parenting, an out of control boy is part of normal boy behavior and need not be thought of as anything out of the ordinary. However, when the child starts damaging property and maybe fidgets endlessly, then there may be other scenarios to consider such as ADHD, for example. There is a distinct possibility that ADHD is being over diagnosed as parents and teachers have forgotten what normal boy behavior is like but that is another question.
Let us look at what is happening with your out of control boy . Basically, he is so overwhelmed with emotions and certain impulses that he cannot control himself. Now picture the parent who also loses it. Yelling and screaming may follow from both parties and the boy just cannot cope. We have added an extra few strong emotions to an already explosive mix. Yelling and screaming are not the answer. The first tip then is to keep your cool and maybe take some time out yourself!
The second tip I have taken from Maurice Sendak's book which is very helpful. The book is appropriately titled 'Where the Wild Things Are'. He advocates time away rather than time out. The difference is simply that with time out, the parent decides the time to be spent there but this is hardly effective.
With time away, the out of control boy is left until HE decides to comply with the rules of good behavior and so HE leaves the room when he has reached this decision. The advantage of time away is that the boy has to decide if and when he can let his anger off the hook. This is part of learning to control his anger. We all went through this as kids and we still go through it to-day when we are made angry. We have learnt anger controlling mechanisms which help us to function in society.
The third tip is that the parent should never intervene in the time away period. The worried parent may even knock on the boy's door to see if he is OK. This interferes with the result and also is a form of cheating because the boy has to decide when he wants to accept the rules.
I think we all need time away. As I wrote above, parents should use the technique themselves! Both parents and kids are learning or an essential life skill when trying to cope when we are overwhelmed by strong emotions, anger or excitement. You can find other examples of parenting strategies to help you cope with an out of control boy in a child behavior program. You will need to choose one which is highly regarded and which offers guarantees.
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