4 Tips To Turning Any Relationship Around

I have trouble with my technical guy - you know the one - the guy behind the scenes that keeps things running smoothly and handles big problems with computers when they arise. This guy is very important to me. I need things to work, and it's his job to keep things working. When things don't work, I feel anxious. Big challenge is, a lot of the time, things don't work between him and I. Sometimes we don't communicate well. Sometimes I can't get a hold of him, so we don't communicate at all. Sometimes I feel he is not entirely honest with me. Sometimes, I don't understand what the heck he's saying, but pretend I do. Most of the time though, almost all the time, I have this nagging feeling things aren't going well with this guy. Part of the problems is a basic language break down. He speaks tech. I speak English. Part of the problem is our history. It's always been a little rocky. Truth of the matter is, I have always had a problem with the "tech guy". Not just this one, but others in the past also. They seem like an unreliable group. I have had years of frustration with these people and have gone through several only to find myself right back here, trying not to lose my marbles dealing with yet another computer geek.

A few days ago I was listening to a lovely woman, Marion, tell me how her dating life was cursed. "It's been going on for almost seven years. Seriously, I feel like I'm dating the same guy over and over again. They may be individually different, but the end it is the same. Either communication totally breaks down or they are dishonest and untrustworthy. I know all men aren't this way. I'm sure there are good ones out there. But seriously, for me, it's always the same old story..."

Hum...

Same old story it is. We all have a lot of stories running simultaneously in our lives. We have a story about each and ever person. Truth of the matter is all of my computer tech's haven't been uber-flakes. The one I'm dealing with today probably isn't either. However, until I listened to Marion talk about the list of losers she has dated, I didn't quite realize what I was doing. I was casting Jamie, my poor computer geek, to play the role of the irresponsible, yet condescending source of technical disappointment in my life. When I hired him he didn't know he was being cast for this part. All he knows is things don't work. Not just the computers, but things in general between us. In a recent email from him he very apologetically stated he had no idea why he felt like he was constantly dropping the ball with me. I know why.

About 85% of our lives are run by the subconscious. The subconscious runs all those scripts that shape our experiences. So - it takes work to re-write a script and make it into a new story. However, awareness is the key. So how do you re-write a script about relationship that isn't working, be it your husband or your computer tech?

1. Literally write it. Take the time to write a description in present tense about the wonderful relationship you'd like to share with this person. "I can't believe how well things are working with Jamie. Seriously, this guy has my back! I don't even think about technical issues anymore because he's so on top of it. I am more then happy to pay this guy. He has provided me with so much peace of mind!"
2. If the old script comes up, immediately squash it. Mentally tell yourself STOP and reflect on your new story line. Remember that's all it is - a story - and you can change it. Try EFT or some other energy clearing method. Don't let that old script start running.
3. If the other person hasn't changed their story and they start behaving in a way that activates the old script, (and this is likely at first), take a deep breath and referr back to number 2. Remind yourself that only you write your story. They don't have any power over your experience. Although that person may not have gotten the memo the script has changed, it has, and eventually they will catch up.
4. If frustration persists, clue them in. "In the past you and I have had some difficulty understanding each other and this has caused us a lot of frustration. However, a few days ago I decided I want our relationship to be different. I have an intention that we have a really great thing going on here and work well together. I can feel things between us improving, can't you???"

By: Lisa Hayes

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Lisa Hayes is an entrepreneur, life coach, mother, and friend. In her writing, speaking engagements, and classes she teaches, her primary goal is working with women to help them achieve peace, and even bliss, in the chaos of their everyday lives. Lisa began the pursuit of the healing arts more then a decade ago when she completed her degree in natural health and nutrition. She continued that path as a yoga and meditation instructor before becoming a life coach.