A Choice Moment: Finding The Way Back

Twenty miles past the exit, I figured I'd gone too far. I couldn't believe it. I would have been early and now I'd be twenty minutes late. I was chewing the inside of my head out with criticism and anguish.

I zipped off the exit, turned around, and headed back down I-89 South toward my friend's house, wanting to plunge the gas pedal to the floor. I centered myself. It lasted about two seconds, and my center flew up to the top of my head. How could I miss that exit? I've made this trip a hundred times. What is WRONG with me!?

When fear, tension or emotions are triggered, it feels like we have no choice, when actually we do. With practice opportunities, like my missed exit, we get better at noticing the choice moment.

I realized that this was that moment. I had a choice to make–and keep making. I had to travel twenty miles back to the Sharon Exit. Would I make my way back in a state of high anxiety or travel the road calm and centered, enjoying the view?

Trick question? Not really. The uncentered state is high drama, the pressure enlivening. I’ve got a problem to solve. The mind races with possibilities, happy to have something to grapple with. Like all habits of mind and body, the uncenteredness feels oddly comfortable. The tension, annoyance, judgment, fear and helplessness make me feel alive. Why would I center myself?

Because centering puts me in a mental, emotional and physical space that allows me to become the driver instead of being driven by my reaction. I can remain tense and angry. Or I can enjoy the ride. The time it takes to get there is the same. But the quality of my life during those twenty minutes will be vastly different. When I find my way back to the centered state, I’m physically relaxed, I’m managing my emotions, and I’m conscious of what I’m really going for.

Here’s what I did.

* I centered again. And again. I made myself look out the window at the beautiful scenery. It helps that I-89 in that part of Vermont is one of the most beautiful roads on the planet.
* I let the mountains, valleys, and trees soothe me and reduce my need to hurry.
* I replaced self-criticism with curiosity about who lived in the few New England homes I could see from the road.
* I talked to myself…. Focus on the goal: arrive safely. You have to travel twenty miles. You cannot change this fact. You can change yourself.
* I kept making the choice. Whenever I felt tension creep into my legs, arms and hands, I paid attention, breathed consciously, and repeated one of the above.
* I smiled at myself.

It helped. Soon the practice took over, and I grew increasingly aware of the present moment. I enjoyed the ride and arrived at my friend’s house in good spirits, with a great story to tell.

I think most of us know all this. We invent life at every turn. Each unexpected event is an opportunity to practice. Give yourself credit when you do.

How will you travel your road today?

By: Judy Ringer

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Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict (www.unlikelyteachersbook.com) and the award-winning e-zine, Ki Moments, containing stories and practices on turning life's challenges into life teachers. Judy is a black belt in aikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a positive work environment. She is the founder of Power & Presence Training and chief instructor of Portsmout