It happens to each one of us from time to time, and it can be really irritating. A person you trust or assumed you had good relations with does something to backstab you or disregard you. If this person was a stranger, you could easily expel them from your reality and not need to interact with them again. But that isn't necessarily practical if the individual is a member of your family or group of friends. Often you have to pardon and forget or else the resentment may cause you damage.
But sourness and fury are powerful emotions that will gain control of you if you don't have strategies for working with them. I'm going to teach you about a certain system I have found terribly helpful in beating or minimizing my resentment, anger, and dislike of folk I don't have any way out but to interact with. I first picked up this strategy in self-development genius Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within. To modify your emotions you've got to change the things that you concentrate on. So when you're wrapped up in bad emotions towards another, change what you're focusing on by asking yourself "What do I respect about this person?" In all likelihood, your answer will be "Nothing!". That's ok. But try again, now adjusting the question to "What could you respect about this person if you wanted to?" This time you'll probably think of something respectable about them. Focus on that facet of the person, and you will end up moving into a different, more positive emotional state.
The reason the second question is so strong is that we often resist emotions that cause us discomfort. In this situation, as an example, being angry gives you the illusion of having more control over the problem, so you resist moving away from that fury and passing into a happier state. You feel at home with the fury. But by asking the question hypothetically, as in "if you wanted to", you are eliminating the resistance since you don't have to personally accept accountability for those ideas you come up with regarding that person. You are just brainstorming hypothetically. But the key is that your emotions will follow your focus, so although you are just thinking hypothetically, you are now concentrating on something positive and your emotions will advance into a more positive state.
Let's take a look at an example so you'll get what I mean. Shall we say your mother is overprotective of you and won't stop trying to shelter you from life even though you are a fullgrown adult. I know from my own experience this may cause a lot of antagonism and disappointment. The first thought of the person is "Stop trying to control me like a tyrant!" But next you ask the question "What do I respect about my mother?" Perhaps your response is "Nothing! She has to get lost" then reframe the question, "What could you respect about her if you wanted to?" Then you will likely think of something like "Well, she obvious|clear}ly loves me. She wants me to be safe. She's a caring person." That theoretical brainstorming has altered your focus and your emotional state, and you probably have a little more sympathy for her after asking yourself these questions. That does not imply you've got to permit her behavior, however it will help you fix it in a rational, positive way rather than collapsing into hate and sourness that can cause damage to the relationship and scale back your overall happiness.
Knowing how to control your emotional states can provide you with incredible control over your life and yourself. The above is only 1 practical example, but there are a large number ofl alternative ways to get control of your feelings. I highly recommend Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within as a great source of practical methods to help achieve this.
Forest Harper has been extraordinarily involved in self improvement for years , and takes a deep interest in controlling emotional states, as well as changing your beliefs and values to help you achieve the life you desire. She maintains a blog Gemstone Meanings, where she discusses the Gem Sapphire Stone and other strong gems.
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