A growing problem in our culture is that the divide between men and woman can often prevent them from enjoying each other’s company in any form other than a physical one. Though the last century has allowed for many break-through ideas when it comes to the roles men and women play, a great deal has been sacrificed to gain this equality.
Only a half century ago men and women in America had fairly defined roles in relationship to each other and making a success of that relationship often depended on their individual abilities to adapt to those expectations. While men were seen as the providers and were responsible for taking care of a family financially; women had an equally important (though often not seen as such,) role to play by raising the children and running the day-to-day household. As the roles began to change, so did the expectations placed on men and women and because of these changes a great deal of the standard social practices became confused.
In today’s society both men and women often find that though they may have more choices than their parents and grandparents the undefined expectation can make dating a difficult process to navigate. Over the years we have seen women taking on new roles in areas that were previously exclusively male; while men have begun to relax the expectation that all activities they take part in must be exclusively masculine. One major problem with these changes is that in many cases these new roles go directly against thousands of years of instinct. Because of this great mind clash, the instinctual versus the social conditioning, at times neither men, nor women are certain of just how they are supposed to act in order to attract some one.
The great search for equality amongst the sexes has allowed for a new level of compatibility to be reached that prior social standards may have seldom allowed; but it is important to remember that many of these changes are new to our society and a great deal of the social expectations are not clearly defined. Perhaps the most ideal outcome of these great changes would be to retain some of the more charming methods of interaction that have slowly vanished, while keeping the new found freedom of equality; in order to carry out such an ideal requires a respect of those societies that came before our current one and a desire not to lose what was treasured about them when changes are made.
In order to maintain a balance between the two sexes each must respect the other and this is something we have seen much in the decline in recent years. Our media indicates that at least for the purposes of amusement, that the sexes are often engaged in subtle wars where the goal are to establish rule over the opposing sides. Is it possible that this power struggle can continue while romantic relationships remain? Often this is not the case and as we see a decline in couples staying together the evidence is clear: respect is not a part of the battle plan.
Turning back the clock is not something that could be, nor would most people desire it be, possible; but understanding why certain social behaviors were of value that have been lost along the way can be a marvelous asset when seeking a balance in respect for the opposite sex.
Perhaps at the core, one of the greatest problems is that without defined male and female roles it can be difficult to maintain attraction or even find it in the first place. While a man, for example, may respect and admire a physically active and strong woman, instinctually he may become confused as his primary action for attracting the woman has been eliminated. The key to solving this common problem in relationships is not a simple one; nor is clearly defined from individual to individual. Because those traits which are so well known as feminine often go against today’s new standard of the strong, independent woman it can be difficult for both men and women to find ways of maintaining their equality while still enjoying the benefits of their roles. The simplest answer is often to maintain a healthy amount of confidence and an open mind that does not dictate a standard for either men or women; however this is often easier said than done.
Though there may not be a clearly defined set of rules to follow when dating there are some common complaints from both sexes that pertain to the freedoms we have gained and the social niceties that have become scarce; if taking these top eight tips into account, perhaps when in a situation where the roles become confusing a little patience and common respect can help to eliminate the problems and allow for both sexes to feel that the interaction was a happy, healthy and successful one:
• Women: Your independence is not necessarily proven by acting in an overly aggressive manor. Because for so many years women felt that they had to hold back their thoughts and opinions it seems in recent years there has been a great need to express those opinions loudly. While it is often considered both healthy and confident to express a thought without fear, to adapt an almost classically macho attitude toward others when getting that opinion across does not help to prove your point. This kind of behavior begs the question: Do women desire equality with men, or to be them?
• Men: Today’s woman is often strong and independent in all aspects of her life, but this does not mean that she is not still female, with all of the needs and wants that women have had for centuries. Being in the company of a strong woman is not an excuse to revert back into adolescence; this often forces the woman to feel as if the man was her son, rather than partner and is almost certain to destroy the physical attraction.
• Women: Despite the depiction in today’s media a bossy, domineering woman is not likely to be found attractive by most men. Perhaps the most common reason many women have stepped into this role is because they feel that without instruction their partners would simply fall behind, but an often better solution is to find a more goal oriented partner.
• Men: For many years women ran the household and took care of an array of tasks that many of their husbands had no idea existed. As women found their way into the workforce many of those task only became compiled with their careers and family duties; thus creating a work load that leaves little time for relaxation. This may explain why the common image of today’s working; family woman is accompanied by a bottle (or several,) of medications to aid her with the daily grind. The responsibility of the household cannot be thrust onto one person if both partners are working full time and it is unfair to make this assumption simply because it’s the way it used to be. In short, if you and your wife or girlfriend has a full-time career; the household chores should be divided equally.
• Women: While the TV shows of decades past show us stay at home mothers who managed to keep spotless homes while still keeping their nails perfect in the world we now live in this can at times seem impossible. Whether you stay at home and take on the challenging job of home-maker and perhaps mother or you are out in the world following the greatest hopes for your career many men still long for a partner who shows their affection by taking the time to address their appearance. The ideal set by the old black and white shows maybe stretching a bit too far with all of the task a day might require; but taking the time to dress up now and then is an excellent way to show your guy that you still want to attract him. Too often women stop taking any time at all to tend to their appearance once they feel settled and this often leads men to wonder whether or not any attraction is left in the relationship; which can be devastating as time goes by.
• Men: On the same note, women appreciate a partner who makes an effort to look nice for them on occasion. Though once a relationship becomes comfortable it can be very easy not to worry about your appearance as much, it is important to let your partner know that you still want them to find you attractive.
• Women: The transition from poised house wife to career guru has opened many doors for women that took a great deal of struggle to gain. Because of this ongoing battle for equality, some women tend to over react to some of the old traditions simply because they represent a time when women had less of a voice. Gestures like a man pulling out a chair, or opening a door for a woman are sometimes taken as a sign that the man feels the woman needs his help to do such things and is therefore rejected. In truth, the gesture is commonly one of respect and is not meant to insinuate anything more than that the man is trying to be polite. To chastise a man for showing that kind of respect often sends a signal that the woman has unresolved issues when it comes to dealing with men and is often a trait that will repulse and confuse them. Remember that not all of the old traditions need to be exterminated simply because they are from a time when women had different lives.
• Men: Along with women finding their stronger voices in the last few decades men have begun to openly discuss traits that they posses which would be classified as less masculine. This is perhaps one of the most complex issues between not only men and women today, but men and men as well. If a man tries to explore the less masculine sides of his personality he often receives ridicule from his male friends and is turned away from further exploration. Another large problem is that while many women encourage men to explore these softer sides, centuries of instinct still push women to find stronger men attractive. Today’s woman has a great deal to sort out with the conditioning clashing against the instinct and as a result many men are just plain confused about what women are looking for in them. It will take time to adjust to these new roles that both sexes find themselves being placed in and with that a lot of patience and understanding will be necessary. As with many aspects of life, finding a balance between the two extremes is often the best way to make a success of them. Remember to be tolerant of others and tolerant of yourself.
Over the years we will probably see many more changes in the roles that men and women play; if social standards and expectations become too unrealistic remember that these rules are set by people and can thus be changed if it so demanded of them. Be patient with your partners and remember that all of the Americans who find themselves a little confused by the rules of dating and relationships basically want the same thing; to be happy, to be healthy and to find a role that they feel comfortable in.
