First up, there's the case of the gentleman who treasured his premium cigar too much. Is such a thing imaginable? Well, if it leads to mug shots being taken, the answer is of course. We all like to conserve money on our premium cigars from time to time--which is why it's unusually significant to have a discount premium cigar store saved to your "Favorites" list on your web browser. But when you're shoplifting boxes of premium cigars from your neighborhood gas station, you're not a cigar aficionado--you're just a shoplifter.
Journalists report that exactly this development unfolded recently in the vicinity of Palm Beach, Florida, where a guy dressed in a black ski mask (just like in the movies) robbed a neighborhood Citgo at gunpoint. He made off with all the cash in the register--and a cigar box. That's it. No candies, condoms or air fresheners; no auto parts, magazines, or food. This man must have known exactly what he wanted. Points to him for the extent and degree of his cigar appreciation, but not for his way of demonstrating it.
Sorry to say, the brand of the cigar brand that he chose to steal has not been released to the general public. Hope they can recoup the loss--and that the unfortunate attendant who was robbed has recovered from the shock.
A similar incident was recently reported in Rosenberg, Texas. This occurrence involved a seventeen-year-old guy taking eighty dollars' worth of cigars from a local Shamrock station. Hopefully this young man's parents can straighten him out--and at least this theft didn't comprise holding anybody at gunpoint. The same goes for a Howell, New Jersey episode in which four guys--ages 21, 34, 35, and 36-- bypassed the gas station completely and went directly for a cigar shop. (Greater age, obviously, does not bring good sense.) Reports are imprecise regarding whether a fourth like robbery--this one happening in Youngstown, Ohio, the birthplace of poets Kenneth Patchen and Hart Crane--included the danger of assault with a deadly weapon; in this situation, a pair of guys with their hands in their pockets (as if carrying guns) robbed a local Speedway, making off with fifty-five cigars of a brand that I won't specify, except to reveal that it wasn't exactly a premium brand.
If only all these individuals had recognized that scores of premium cigars are also obtainable at a discount via the Internet. Ordering premium discount cigars on the internet is a much better deal than having to hand over fifty thousand dollars in bail each--which is the bail set by Howell, New Jersey, police for the four men involved in the cigar store robbery, who were seized and charged before the break-in could become a reality.
In other funny cigar-related events, economic crises often trigger a certain entrepreneurial ingenuity--the inventor of Monopoly invented the game to pass time during a Depression-era lay-offas an example--and these days, that matching inventiveness is combining with widespread anti-smoking attitude to create … the electronic cigar. An American business is creating a tobacco-free, no-secondhand- smoke-producing thing that (they profess) allows smokers to have the pleasures of smoking without in reality … smoking. The prospects for this one don't appear especially good , but the humorous mental image it creates may be worth something.
While he, too, had an entrepreneurial streak (he made many inventions, most of which failed financially, including a breakdown-prone typesetting machine that was supplanted by the Linotype), the great Mark Twain is one premium cigar aficionado whom one cannot imagine touching such a mechanism with a ten-foot pole. Some of Twain's personal and unpublishable writing--the kind that he literally kept in a box, knowing it would trash his reputation--has just seen print, finally, as the hundredth anniversary of the father of American literature's death approaches. Among these pieces is a long "interview" between Twain and Satan that features many of the former's thoughts on cigars. For premium cigar aficionados, it is must reading. The book is entitled Who Is Mark Twain?
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