And Your Choice Is….

I’m reading a great book at the moment called “An Intelligent Life” and in it, the author, Dr Julian Short says that humans have only 2 primary emotional needs:
• Belonging (love & acceptance)
• Territory (dignity & individuality)
He explains the concept of territory further in that it’s more than material things and places. But, rather also, your individuality which includes your philosophy, ethics, morality, what you want and what you believe to be true. (I’ve paraphrased slightly.) Simply put, these are some of the things that collectively help define you as being separate from everyone else.
I attended a ‘Life Map’ session this week and funny enough the concept of “home” came up for group discussion. Questions surfaced like “Where is home”? A consensus was that it’s not just a physical structure or a relationship – and it’s even more than a country or birth-place.
Cate Jones, from Shelter SA says “The meaning of home, of a protected refuge, is very often connected with comfort, relationships, family, relatives, friends and the traditional rituals that give meaning to our lives. But home is also related to memory, a wish to honour the past and communicate to others our identities through the spirit of our homes.”
I noticed here that the concept of identity and territory are hand-in-hand again.
Do you experience a sense of belonging in your own skin? And in your external world?
Both contribute to a sense of who you are.

On July 2nd, we’re officially half way through the calendar year and 30th June heralds the end of the financial year in Australia. For me, this naturally brings with it reflection on what really matters, has mattered and how I want to move forward. Armed with this book I asked myself questions like:
• What do I want?
• Where do I belong?
My E-book “Creating Life Change” which I finished about 18 months ago documents the journey (external & internal) regarding my migration. As I converted this into an audio book this past week I naturally re-heard what I’d written. I realised again how actively involved and participatory I was in creating a new life for myself in a foreign country.
We’re becoming citizens next week and it feels like we’ve always been here. So yes, this is where I belong now. No change is required, although my birthplace with my history is what I still call “home”.
The integration of all these parts is who I am (and what I want to be).

The next part of my reflection included chunking down my time and having a look at how I spend it – and with whom. The people-part of our life is also a conscious decision, believe it or not. Although the big picture of belonging & home seemed right to me, I needed to align the moments with what I wanted in my big picture.
There is an old joke “How do you eat an elephant?”
Bite by bite.
So – by knowing that all my moments create my years I’ve made some changes to how I spend my moments. And these changes have been by choice.
A number of clients who see me, initially start with feeling challenged with the apparent “new” concept of choice. Adults often forget that they do actually have choice.
These clients have spent so many years in the limiting mindset of responsibility, martyrdom and sometimes even victim – that the freedom associated with choice is liberating.

So my question here is – what choices are you making to constructively to fulfil your 2 basic needs of territory and belonging?
So take the time out to reflect on where your life is at but first acknowledge how you’re feeling about things now.
Do you have love (belonging) and identity (territory)?

Remember that all your choices result in thoughts and/or behaviour.
And as you also know, thoughts and behaviour create your reality.

Doesn’t it then make sense for this to happen from an intelligent, conscious choice?

It IS possible to understand how you feel about things and make a relevant, intelligent and self-empowering choice.
Ignore the fearful mind which tells you what to do and rather acknowledge how you want to feel. Are you spending time where you feel loved & accepted as an individual with dignity?

If not – it’s up to you to do what’s necessary.
You can change and recreate things.
You already have both the inner intelligence and ability.

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”
Robert Fritz

By: Completely Human

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Heidi Cornelissen believes that people have maximum potential in their lives when they are real, honest and true to themselves. Her career was in the Corporate world after completing B Comm (Accounting) and a Masters of Business Administration (MBA) qualification. She now owns a company called Completely Human, (www.completelyhuman.com) having trained further as a Life Coach. Completely Human assists individuals to embrace who they REALLY are.