Becoming A First Time Mother

You're a parent! Maybe it happened through birth. Perhaps it was through adoption. But the agony of waiting through hours of labor or months of paperwork has finally culminated in you getting to meet your special treasure face-to-face. And now you're bringing that wonderful, incredible child home with you!

All sorts of emotions are flooding through you??a mixture of joy, wonder, and if you're smart, most likely a little healthy fear too. You wonder, What kind of parent will I be? What will this child be like?

If you birthed this child, you went to Lamaze class, wearing your sweats, carrying your pillows, and watching as your classmates' bellies bloated to ever-increasing proportions and then dropped with the weight of a bowling ball. You learned how to breathe in different patterns during those weekday-evening classes, while on the weekends you shopped in baby stores for your first crib, changing table, and baby clothes. You've scoured several books to find just the right name, insisting that no child of yours will ever be called Buford or Betty.

You suffered through months of restless, sleepless, and seemingly eternal nights. You might have enjoyed the extra calories you could take in, but the sickness, nausea, backache, and swollen ankles you could have done without.

When the day finally came, you had five people in one small room, all telling you what to do. They all seemed so sure of themselves and, to be fair, encouraging of you. But it didn't take long for you to realize that you were the only one in the room who was in true pain.

Before you had the Epidural, you grabbed and clenched your fists, you thought words you never thought you would think, your throat was as dry as a desert, and all they would give you were those pitiful little ice chips, parceled out as if they cost a million dollars apiece??and yes, I know you were pushing as hard as you could. (I also happen to know that you wanted to punch out three or four people in the room.)

But as that special little gift from God worked her way down your birth canal and suddenly popped her head out, and those tiny shoulders worked their way through your body, you finally heard the delightful cry of your newborn. The doctor asked your husband if he'd like to cut the umbilical cord. A quick glance at your husband's queasy complexion told you he was in no shape to do anything.

And when that twenty-inch child was laid upon your breast, you buried your chin into your chest to get as good a look as possible at this new miracle, saying to yourself, She's so beautiful. I can't believe she's mine.

Or perhaps you became a parent through adoption. You spent months or years researching just the right people who could help you find "the child of your heart." You talked with multiple agencies, attorneys, agonized over how to become a parent, wondered if 'you would ever become a parent, investigated domestic and international routes, and, in hope, waded through enough paperwork to make you completely dizzy. If you had to travel internationally, you had doctor checkups too??and more painful shots than you want to remember.

Then all the feverish activity stopped, and the real waiting began. Even though you weren't physically pregnant, you were emotionally pregnant??waiting with longing for anywhere from months to years for your child. Perhaps you sat in a rocker, hand-stitching a baby blanket or dreaming your way through a baby-name book. Or perhaps you held off, worried that your heart would break if you didn't get a child. And then you got "the call" or "that first sweet picture." And you fell in love with that child from the first instant. Your world spun into the feverish activity. You did what you didn't dare to do before: bought a crib, decorated a baby's room, packed a bag with diapers, lotions, and all the essentials.

When you saw your child's face for the first time, you saw the realization of years of hopes, the joy after the pain of infertility or miscarriage. And your awe in holding that child was mixed with a pang of pain??knowing someone else's sacrifice to bring this child into your life. As you headed home, you vowed to be the absolute best parent you could be for this truly special child.

So, whether through birth or chosen through adoption, your firstborn has come into this life with a great entree. Now the question is, what are you going to do with her?

By: Jamal Sanders

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Jamal is an expert on Couch Slipcovers and Chair Slipcovers