Building Scaffolds To Independence

Ever had the situation where your child wants to do something that you consider risky or outside their capability range?

Here are some recent examples of potentially risky situations that were child-initiated:

A seven year old boy wanted to go into a public toilet on his own.
A six year old girl asked her mother if she could make herself a cup of tea.
A twelve year old wanted to catch a train into the city to watch a movie with friends.
These are tricky parent dilemmas.

On one hand, you want to develop a sense of independence in kids. You should welcome their willingness to have a go.

On the other hand, your duty of care means you must match the potential risk attached to a situation with your assessment of your child’s ability to manage.

Other factors influence your decisions to grant kids independence. These include:

birth order: Parents are often more protective of first borns than later borns.
our own childhood experiences: Overprotective parents beget overprotective parents.
beliefs about gender competence: Your beliefs about the maturity levels and capabilities of boys as opposed to girls have an impact.

I have a theory that most parents underestimate their children’s abilities, while many children overestimate their abilities. Finding some middle ground is imperative.

There is little doubt that modern parents are an anxious bunch. Caring we may be, but daring we are not. Letting go and granting kids sufficient space is perhaps the greatest challenge for the current generation of parents.

So how do you grant kids greater independence while keeping them safe from harm?

The solution is to build scaffolds to independence. That is, look for opportunities to move your children closer to independence while keeping him or her safe.

Here are three ways you can build scaffolds to independence for your child:

(1) Look for simple, safe options to start: E.g Allowing a child to go a public toilet on their own at the local swimming pool is easier and safer than in a shopping centre.

(2) Do activities together: E.g Making a cup of tea with your child is great way to teach her about safety.

(3) Break complex activities in to simpler activities: E.g Catching trains with friends on short trips is great practice for kids who are itching to do some activities with mates without parental supervision.
If you cringe when your kids ask for greater freedom or you typically respond with ‘No!! Wait until you are older’ then think about looking for opportunities to move your child further down the road to independence.

Building scaffolds to independence is one way parents can move towards redundancy while ensuring that kids stay safe.

By: Michael Grose

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Michael Grose is Australia's No.1 parenting expert. He is the director of www.parentingideas.com.au, the author of 7 books for parents & a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore & the USA. Get your FREE Chores & Responsibilities for Kids Guide when you visit www.parentingideas.com.au. Get a hold of Michael's sensational new book Why First Borns Rule the World & Last Borns Want to Change It at www.michaelgrose.com.