Children And Grief: Sensible Advice For Understanding How To Help Bereaved Children

When someone dies we all ask questions. But children ask questions all the time and when someone dies they ask even more questions. The thing about children's questions is that they that don't really know how to ask them. In normal life, sometimes their questions are nonsense and as adults we can have a tendency to ignore them.
In bereavement listening to a child's question matters more than answering it perfectly. Our natural tendency to ignore the question because it sounds silly or because we do not know the answer should be avoided.

Taking children seriously and discussing the questions can help you understand their grief. There may be no answer to the question, so we can try to ask a question back.
So if a child asks why his sister died, we can ask: "Why do you think?" This may unlock a common belief in children that they are the cause of the death. Children live in a very self-centred world. By allowing them to express this blame out loud, you are then able to help them understand.

As children grow up they change mentally. If a bereavement has been suffered at an early stage in a child's life, they may re-grieve later in a different way and a different stage in their development. The process of mourning is different to adults. It is important to help them understand the changes in the way they think and feel and discourage them from locking this up.
Remember, our children are thirsty for facts and for knowledge. They will hear more than you think. It is important to ensure they do not fictionalise snippets of what they hear within themselves and create a story more painful than the truth.

Our children can also become frightened for their own safety after someone dies. If someone they love has died, might they too? The natural assumption that they live in a world where adults can protect them may be shattered. It is essential to give them reassurance at such a time. We need to show them they are still cared for. Teachers, friends and family need to give them extra time.
At such a time, it is important to be aware of any problem behaviour and not to ignore it. More than usual, we should avoid being angry if it appears to make their surroundings less safe, so adding to the grief.

Finally, remember that children must not be excluded from the process of grieving. An exclusion from the entirely natural process of mourning can result in complicated grief or an unresolved grief. Find a way to share your grief and a way to share your new life in a fulfilling way later. This will be a positive thing for everyone.

By: Emilie Warren

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as understanding their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, www.dealingwithdeath.com. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas