Confidence Building - Why Positive Thinking Won't Work

The internet and everywhere else you look at to find solutions to questions about confidence building, is full of reference to "positive thinking". It seems as though this phrase has become the quick and easy solution to all those questions! But hold on for a minute - we all really know that if something looks too good to be true it frequently is, right? I believe that too much emphasis has been given to positive thinking during discussions about confidence building and I will now explain why.

Why positive thinking alone just won't work in confidence building.

We are told to take a more positive view of everything that comes our way to overcome the fears, anxiety, disputes and hassles of everyday life. Can we simply flip a switch so that we become energised and instantly gain positive thinking? By this method you put a gloss over your inner feelings so as to artificially erect a wall to protect you. This may work for a few days and you may appear transformed into that new person to all those around you, with increased confidence. You may also have more energy, enthusiasm and be able to handle everyday stresses. This cannot last however, as your long held inner feelings, worries and desires will soon come to the surface. Habit and imagination are the key drivers of human behaviour and it will indeed take a very powerful and sustained strategy to change them during confidence building. Habit is a form of behaviour that automatically directs you to do something without the need for significant conscious thought.

Think about this in a logical and intelligent way. Our worries, anxiety and lack of confidence have been built up over time. In older people for example, this may have taken many years to become established. We are all different and unique individuals but medical research has shown that some are genetically more susceptible to these effects from birth. We are all conditioned by our parents views and fears when young; they want to both protect and encourage us but often this can conflict. Good parenting will involve a balanced view, allowing the child to experience new and taxing situations, whilst also providing protection. Children develop and gain confidence from the good and bad experiences of life and in dealing with mistakes. The learning process continues when at school and higher education.

The experienced and well rounded person will be in a position to handle a career in work and engaging in a social environment. It is almost inevitable that over time, every person has developed some fear and anxiety due to their experiences, Even the most confident appearing person will have something below the external veneer! Anxiety, fear and lack of confidence become habit forming over time and dealing with these issues is at the root of enjoying life and becoming more successful.

Having a positive mental attitude should represent only a small part of an overall strategy. The first part of the strategy is to fully understand exactly what concerns you as an individual; what do you feel you need to change? Take some time alone in a quiet place where you are comfortable and relaxed. Think about how you see your experience of life; the habits you have formed, your past experiences both good and bad. Think about your good experiences and happy times. What do you enjoy most and what have been your achievements? Write all these details down on a sheet of paper with two columns. On the left side have a list showing what you think are good features. On the opposite side have a list showing what you think are bad features and what you would like to change.

You may be surprised by the outcome. There are likely to be many more good positive features than bad negative ones, or that the bad features are perhaps relatively minor. As individuals, we tend to think more about the bad features rather that emphasise the good ones and all our accomplishments. Highlighting our deficiencies is important for self improvement but being too overly critical and analytical is counter productive.

My suggestion is take some time and develop a more balanced view of your life. Instead of concentrating on just "Negative Thinking" and "Positive Thinking" also realise that there is a lot of middle ground that we take for granted. We could label this as the "Neutral" ground, representing an area we are happy and comfortable with. This forms the bedrock of our being as an individual, which does not require change. Look now towards what you see as the "Negative" features of your personality. What habits do you wish to change, what fears do you wish to overcome?

By understanding what shapes our personality as individuals and taking time out to think seriously about these features, you should be in a position to develop a strategy of improvement. Remember the old phrase, which still holds true today, that "knowledge is power". Take time to find that solution to your questions over confidence building and become empowered. There are many self help programmes available which should prove effective if you have the commitment to take that first step and take action. Our minds have become conditioned over time and it will take persistent action and commitment to effect change, but I believe anyone can achieve success. The mind is a powerful weapon that can be used to control thinking and emotions.

By: Paul T Stuart

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