Control: The Falsest Security

How ‘bout I start things off with a simple, yet direct, statement - don’t be a control freak! This article actually comes from an eworkbook I wrote for panic attack and anxiety sufferers; however I’m thinking the information really applies to most any of us. And that’s why I’m sharing.

Now, I know the concept of control seemingly means so much to us, especially in these rocky times, with so many out of work and struggling to deal with the financial fallout. However, in many ways we really need to start letting go and letting the chips fall where they may. Okay, now don’t get sore, but I have to drop a rather harsh statement on you. Control is only an imperative for the insecure and for those who can find nothing of substance upon which to base the meaning of their lives. Ouch, huh? Granted, at some point in time this can include any of us, but as we make a decision to move on in life in a positive manner we absolutely must start to yield control over every aspect of our lives.

Now, as this may appear to be a perilous task, start with small steps of exposure and loosen the grip more and more as you discover you’re incredibly safe, even without having a stranglehold on each and every situation.

Let me share a cool story as to how I came to know and understand one of life’s greatest truths. Some 12 years ago, as my ex-wife and I were putting the final touches (as if we were painting a portrait) on our divorce arrangements, I was being asked to sacrifice yet more time with, and access to, my children - at least on paper. I can’t tell you how much that cut me because I just couldn’t fathom why my children (and, yes, I) had to suffer because two adults couldn’t work out their differences. Well, I wanted to fight it like crazy, but couldn’t really afford to. And I knew in my heart the whole mess just needed to come to an end.

Well, my mother, who’s now in assisted living with severe dementia, knew of my pain, frustration, and anger; so she sent me an audio recording of a sermon given by a guest pastor at my parent’s church. The subject matter was securing peace by letting go. Man, was this guy reading my mail or what? I can still remember the exact time, and my location, as I listened to that tape in my truck. And to this day it stays with me. The gist of what he said was, a person will never be truly free until he/she is willing to give up their most valued possession.

Now, for some that may be money, their home, business, car, or other material objects; but for me it was, and still is, my children - though they certainly aren’t a possession in the literal sense. So as tough as it was, I paid heed to what this guy was saying, knowing my current frame of mind wasn’t providing any measure of peace anyway. I let go, let the legal arrangements fall into place as their mother wanted, and shortly thereafter signed the papers.

Well, that pastor couldn’t have been more correct. I sit here today with the knowledge that regardless of what the legal papers say I can be with my children just about anytime I, or they, want. Yes, that’s how it turned out. I mean, because I let go, and my ex cooperates, I don’t have to worry about threats to our time together or not having the time to nurture them and watch them grow. Truly, letting go of my most prized possession gave it back to me.

Please know you won’t reap the richest rewards in this life until you’re ready to sacrifice the one thing that means the very most to you. And I’m kind of thinking to most of us, the ongoing need to control every aspect of everything that could possibly touch our lives is right there at the top of the old prized-possession list. In that regard, I think it’s pretty accurate to say our most prized possession is – well – us.

Now, don’t misunderstand, that’s not a completely objectionable concept. The only problem is, within the context of control it’s not a very healthy ownership arrangement, as opposed to looking out for #1 in an effort to take good care of ourselves. Please - learn to give it up.

Yes, I know control makes us feel so secure, but it’s such a false sense of security. Can’t you see that? No, we aren’t going to live our dreams and enjoy a lasting, honest peace until we trust ourselves, and our world, enough to let go. Then - and only then - will we become truly free.

And, by the way, we’re only being asked to be willing to sacrifice our most prized possession. The sacrifice itself may never be required.

By: Bill Chandler

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