Dialogue Mechanics: Effective Ways To Improve The Dialogue In Your Writing

When it comes to dialogue, there are several things to look for that can help a writer clean it up, make it sharper and more professional. So let’s take a look at what some of those things are as you edit your manuscript.

First, check your dialogue for explanations, meaning, “You can’t be serious,” she said in astonishment. One of the easiest ways to make your dialogue have punch and show the professionalism you’re looking for is to “Resist the urge to explain”. There are a couple things that can go wrong when we try to explain dialogue. One is that it may feel as if we’re talking down to a reader.

“What the hell do you mean I can’t explain, that means hours of editing!” the writer said in frustration.

By the line of dialogue, we can tell the writer is probably frustrated. So when the line of dialogue shows the frustration, adding the bit of ‘the writer said in frustration’ is the same as saying to the reader “You see, got that? He’s frustrated, do you see it?” If the dialogue is written well, there’s no need for the explanation of frustrated, astonished, bewildered, because it’s all there in the dialogue. Read through your dialogue and mark every place an emotion is mentioned outside of dialogue. It may take a bit of time to rewrite those sections of dialogue to show the emotion, rather than explain it, but in the end it will have the sharpness you’re looking for.

Another thing that can go wrong when we try to explain our dialogue is that it can create a very subtle awkwardness between our dialogue and the emotion. As with the first example, “You can’t be serious,” she said in astonishment. The phrase ‘you can’t be serious’ doesn’t really show astonishment, if anything it feels a bit flat. But then we say that she is astonished. The words don’t quite jive with the emotion we’re saying she’s having. If an explanation is used (which it rarely should be), it should match the dialogue. “Dude, that’s so radical!” he said in amazement. There, the dialogue matches the emotion.

As you read through your sections of dialogue, try cutting out the explanations and see how it reads without them. Does it read better? Worse? If it reads worse, it’s probably time to start rewriting your dialogue, because it should convey the emotion without having to outright say the emotion. The flow of the scene shouldn’t have to be stopped to make sure the reader ‘got’ it…”See, she’s astonished, you got it?”

Another thing to watch for, as long as you’ve got your highlighter out and marking your dialogue, is to mark all of your adverbs. Sure I have to resist the urge to use them, and I don’t believe they should be stricken from writing completely, but they should be minimal. It’s taking the easy way out. Instead of taking the extra bit of time to show the reader, we wrap it up in a nice little –ly word. The right road is never the easy road, so put in the extra couple of minutes and rework your –ly sentences.

Something else to be mindful of in your dialogue, are the pesky physical impossibilities. “You’re such a heartless bastard,” she snarled. Have you ever tried to talk, while snarling? Go ahead, give it a whirl. Start snarling, and see if you can talk. I’m sure you’ll get a good laugh out of trying to do it, but odds are you won’t get a full sentence out. Now sometimes, if I’m trying to reach my word quota for the day, I’ll drop in these little impossibilities like “he seethed” for the sake of trying to get the scene on paper. But as I edit, those little buggers come out, because I don’t know about you, but I can’t argue with my husband while hissing, seething or snarling. I just plain yell.

Before we become comfortable in our writers skin, when we look at our sections of dialogue and see all the “she said” we might cringe. When you’re writing, it might feel wrong to have a page full of saids, so we mix it up with a little ‘screamed’ or ‘panted’ maybe…but that doesn’t sit very well with most editors and agents. And chances are, you’ll end up seeing your ‘screamed’ on the chopping block. The occasional ‘he replied’ or ‘she answered’ is used, but more often than not, the most unobtrusive option is ‘said’. But that doesn’t mean taking out your screamed and panted will give you sections of dialogue like this:

“I can’t make it tomorrow,” he said.
“But you promised the kids,” she said.
“They bumped the presentation, what do you want me to do about it?” he said.

If you’re afraid of a sting of ‘said’, try cutting out some of your speaker attributions altogether and see how the dialogue reads. Can you still tell who is saying what? Does the scene still flow? Another option is to use them in a few beats (or just use beats), you’ll skim right over the ‘said’ and avoid a page full of straight dialogue.

“I can’t make it tomorrow,” he said.
She dropped the bag of groceries on the table. “But you promised the kids.”
“They bumped the presentation, what do you want me to do about it?”

Now of course this isn’t the best string of dialogue, but you should get the point. In this second option we’ve put in a quick beat to show the woman’s agitation and managed to cut out two speaker attributions, but you can still feel the tension of the scene.

The last thing to check for, is to make sure you’re referring to the characters the same way throughout the manuscript. If you call him Edward in chapter two, then call him Eddie in chapter six, switch to Ed later and then jump back to Edward, it gets kind of confusing and jarring. Make sure you refer to them the same way throughout, with their proper names and nicknames.

I am no expert on the matter and don’t claim to be one, this is just what I have learned along the way. And if you pick up a few of your favorite books and skim the dialogue, you’ll see what I’m talking about. Well folks, happy editing!

By: Darian Wilk

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Darian Wilk is a freelance writer, specializing in women's fiction, chic lit and romance novels. She is currently seeking agent representation for her novel Unfinished Love, and is in the process of writing Goodbye Charlie. She has a blog which covers not only her journey to publication, but advice, tips and useful tools for writers off all genres. Darian is always excited to gain new followers and comments for topic suggestions. Please go to crazyladywithapen.blogspot.com/ to read the latest post, or visit the Darian Wilk Fan Page here www.facebook.com/pages/Darian-Wilk-Fan-Page/154692967912957