Divorce----should I Or Shouldn't I? Another Glance At Indecision
The ramifications of divorce are taking on even greater significance as we near 2010. The state of the economy, home foreclosures, unemployment, and the issue of health care for all, represent a myriad of factors that influence the decision to keep a marital relationship intact, regardless of the mutual suffering, or the decision to "call it quits".
Though not a participant in one of my "decision" workshops, at first, Hank sought assistance from me regarding the dilemma he was battling regarding his marriage. Married for twenty years, he came to the realization that at age fifty he was bored with his wife, his marriage, and life in general. While both he and his wife were receiving couples counseling from another therapist. he decided to attend one of my weekly workshops. His indecisiveness regarding the outcome of his marriage, revealed more than the growing mismatch of their relationship, as other group members agreed that Hank's "angst" was more a matter of the realization that he was beginning to face his mortality for the first time in his life.
Following further meetings, with both me and other group members, Hank began to gradually realize that his confusion, despair, and struggle with his depression were more closely related to the realization that he had no idea of the meaning of his life that went beyond a marital relationship. He began to feel that he needed to explore other elements in his life such as his spiritual beliefs, personal passions related to unfulfilled goals that he had disregarded, and the quest for newer adventures.
Interestingly, his spouse, we learned, was on her renewed journey which unsurprisingly began to bring them closer. We continued to focus on his personal issues for the next several months when he decided it was time for him to move on and concentrate on his marital relationship and discovering "who I am".
Can any of you identify with some of the elements which Hank began to recognize, and perhaps continue your own journey?
Dr. Rollin is also the author of The Psychology of Communication Disorders in Individuals and Their families as well as Counseling Individuals with Communications Disorders. He has an active therapy practice in Sacramento, California and continues to offer his popular decision-making workshops. Visit his website at decisiondr.com.
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