Divorce Advice From Paul

Some people asked me if the process I developed to help people have a very happy marriage will work for everyone. What a loaded question! That's like asking if the manual you got with your computer will work for everyone. The answer is no. The answer is yes. If you don't read the manual it won't help you one bit. But if you read it and follow its instructions, there is no reason why it shouldn't work.

We have grown up in a society that takes great pains to teach us how to use a computer starting in the second or third grade, while life skills such as communication are not discussed at all. Educators say these skills of life ought to be taught by the parents. I agree, but where are the parents going to learn? Learning how to be married by learning basic information about human nature and human interactions should most definitely be taught at the school level, along with scientific information about diet, exercise and other basic requirements needed by every individual.

By the time people have fumbled around in a marital relationship and are looking for divorce advice, they are discouraged and confused. But the most simple advice for those who have children is, don't do it if there is any way at all to avoid it. If there's any way to save your children and your selves from the horrors of divorce, go for it with everything you have, and please don't try marriage counseling. For the vast majority of people, it doesn't work.
If you must divorce after you have tried everything to stay together, by all means be the best person you can be in order to preserve what is left of your relationship. Some people actually get along better after they are separated. For your children's sake put their needs ahead of your own.

Avoid lawyers if you can. Avoid psychologists if you can. Try your best to find a mediator who is neither a psychologist nor a lawyer but is capable of understanding the financial and legal ramifications of divorce. It is not rocket science, although those in the system would like you to think it is even more complex. Keeping peace and harmony should be your highest priority. And remember, no matter how you're feeling, tell your spouse, "I love you."

By: Paul Friedman

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Paul Friedman, author of Lessons For A Happy Marriage, entered into the business of helping couples mend their marriages after a very rough personal experience with divorce. He discovered the truth from his clients: they only sought divorce because the help they found to stay together didn't work. Read more on the Relationship Advice Blog.