One thing that many of us anxiety-sufferers have trouble with is that sometimes we believe that everything will just come to us in our own time. This article will assert that is the case, but only if we do our part and do the work that is required of us. Although this article is written from the perspective of a social anxiety sufferer, the general process can be applied to all anxiety conditions.
First, let us start off with the counterexample, and do not be afraid if you fit the counterexample. We all have been at this point at some time in our lives. The counterexample is the person who is not doing his or her part, or who is dealing with his or her anxiety in maladaptive ways. The person who is not doing his or her part simply sits around home or remains isolated, complaining about how difficult life is and that it never seems to improve. People and situations do not seem to come into their lives like they do others. Things seem to just find their way into the lives of others, and it is very difficult to understand why this for the person who remains isolated. How does my roommate have a girlfriend when I have been single all of my life? How did my friend get the new job! I am smarter than he is anyway!
The next version of the counterexample is the person who deals with his or her anxiety in maladaptive manners, such as through drugs or alcohol. The person seems to say or do little or anything when he or she is not engaged in one of these addictions, but then, when he or she is drunk or high, he or she is suddenly very talkative and a seemingly much different person. Other maladaptive ways of coping with anxiety include excessive video gaming, or other special interests that do not involve people or the living of life, but only that special interest itself. Compulsive hoarding could be another way of coping with anxiety.
The commonality between these previous two examples is that neither person is taking the steps he or she needs to in order to break out of anxiety. People such as these may luck out and have someone or something special simply drop right into their laps, but most often this is not the case. The reason that the roommate has the new girlfriend or that the friend has the new job despite the fact that the anxiety-sufferer is smarter is that the roommate or friend is out there taking the risks and the steps necessary to gain a significant relationship or a great job; put simply, they are doing their part.
This is what the anxiety-sufferer needs to do, but it need not be perfect. Any steps that the anxiety-sufferer can take, no matter how small, that directly confront the anxiety-provoking situation or person are good ones to take. Some situations are reasonable to be anxious in, such as when one is up at great heights or when one is trying some task for the first time. However, if one has never had any relationships or friends by the time one is twenty, something is generally not happening that needs to be.
This thought, that a person should be doing his or her part to cope with anxiety, can be quite shaming to the person who has had anxiety struggles his or her whole life and who is still having trouble with many of the basic tasks required of individuals living in Western society. However, one need not feel ashamed and engage in self-blame (self-blame only makes a person feel worse and increases one's anxiety level). Most often, persons who are unable to attain the basic requirements of life were, in most cases, never taught how, or were taught by individuals who did not know how to teach a person with an anxiety problem!
It is okay for the individual to be at the point where he or she is in life, but if that point is generally lagging behind the expected standard, changes need to be made. If the anxiety-sufferer does his or her part, even if it is just a small step, and he or she continues to do it on a daily basis, then or he or she will gain all the things that he or she needs to live a happy life!
That girlfriend, great job, or great new group of friends will come if the individual continues to work away at it!
So, instead of engaging in self-blame and becoming upset that one is “behind” others in life (in fact, I believe that anxiety-sufferers are ahead in some ways such as self-knowledge), one should instead realize that this is the time to begin moving in the right direction! Hardships will occur, but one can and will make all the positive changes one desires if one keeps working at it!
I am a senior social work student and am planning on attending graduate school in the Fall. I have made a strong recovery from anxiety and have an excellent way with words, so I am attempting to put that skill to use by writing articles. I currently write the articles primarily for my anxiety recovery site, The Anxiety Support Network, but I also use many other mediums to distribute the information.
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