Domestic And International Adoption – Exploring The Similarities And Differences
If you’re considering adoption, one of the first decisions you need to make is if you’re going to pursue domestic or international adoption. Since this decision will impact the adoption professionals that you hire – your home study provider, your agency, your attorney – you want to decide before you start spending money. There are several criteria on which to compare the two and several myths to be debunked.
First, Child’s Age. This is often THE deciding factor for those who pursue domestic adoption. Domestic adoption is currently the only way for most people to adopt a newborn. In most cases of domestic adoption, the adoptive parents (APs) will receive placement of the baby immediately upon hospital discharge. Depending on their relationship with the birth parents, they may have even cared for the baby during those first few days in the hospital. Adopting internationally means adopting older infants and toddlers. For the most part, the youngest a child will be before he/she is in his/her forever home is approximately seven or eight months old. This depends on the particulars of the country, with children from certain countries averaging closer to 18 months old.
Second, Timeframe. With domestic adoption, the timeframe is unpredictable because it depends on when you are chosen by a prospective birth mother (PBM.) You do have some control over this timing; you can usually accelerate the process by developing a high-quality Personal Profile and by maximizing the visibility that your profile receives. However, it is ultimately up to the PBM. Additionally, in domestic adoption, there is always the potential that the PBM will change her mind before she signs the consent forms. In addition to the emotional and financial setback for the APs, this also lengthens the timeframe. Nevertheless, the stories you hear about domestic adoptions taking several years do not represent the majority of situations. In fact, depending on the quality of your profile, the visibility of your profile, your openness to different situations and the professionals with whom you work, many domestic adoptions can be completed in only a few months.
International adoption, on the other hand, is a little bit more predictable in terms of timeframe, although not as predictable as people like to think. Changes in laws, in political and economic climates, and even in general sentiment towards the U.S. can and do impact timelines. These changes can even happen once you are “in process.” The timelines that an agency quotes to you when you begin your paperwork are not necessarily the timelines you will experience a few months later. Additionally, in some countries, local citizens have the right to adopt a child up until your court date regardless of how long you’ve had the referral or even if you’ve made a previous trip to the country to meet the child. So, contrary to popular belief, international adoption is also subject to “disruption” just as domestic adoption is, albeit it does happen less frequently. The overall timeframe for international adoptions varies widely from country to country and even within countries for different genders.
Third, Medical & Social History. With domestic adoption, there is usually some information available about the birth families’ medical and social histories. Often this information is extensive, at least on the birth mother’s side. It’s not unusual to not have any information available on the birth father. On the other hand, sometimes “stork drop” babies become available with little or no background information. You will need to decide what you’re comfortable with so you are prepared to handle any situations that may arise. Although having as much information as possible seems ideal, it can also be overwhelming. In that case, it helps to keep things in perspective by considering the medical and social history of you, your spouse and your families. Think about what that would look like on paper and often a birth parent’s history suddenly seems a little less extreme. Also, make sure to have a pediatrician review the paperwork so that you get a professional, unbiased opinion of any risks.
With international adoption, medical and social history is often unknown or minimal. In countries with good foster programs such as Guatemala or South Korea, it can be more extensive but, even so, you can never be sure how accurate it is. Just as with domestic adoption, you will have the opportunity to have a doctor review the information available and share his or her opinion with you. There are many fantastic doctors that specialize in doing just this and they are quite experienced in analyzing whatever information you can provide to them – whether it be a one-page fax or an extensive medical history along with a videotape of the child. Many of these doctors are even available to review any information you receive once you are “in country” and to provide you with their analysis quite quickly.
Fourth, Openness. Without going into a whole dissertation on the pros and cons of different levels of openness, most domestic adoptions these days are semi-open. This means that the APs and BM will know each other’s first names and the state in which each lives. The BM may know some other non-identifying information about you such as your general occupation. And, in many cases, all parties have met and/or had multiple phone conversations prior to the birth. After the birth, the APs send regular update letters and pictures to the agency which then forwards them to the BM without any identifying postmarks or other information. Some domestic adoptions are fully open which includes the exchange of identifying information and possibly even future visitation. Very few domestic adoptions these days are fully closed, what used to be called “confidential.” On the other hand, virtually all international adoptions are closed as there is rarely any exchange of information between birth families and APs.
Fifth, Cost. Adoption is expensive, there is no doubt about it. However, neither domestic adoption nor international adoption can be said to be more or less expensive than the other, it all depends on the particular situation. On the domestic front, one can expect to spend between $20K and $35K for a healthy newborn. Internationally, costs vary extensively from country to country and range between $15K and $50K. (Remember that these figures are all before the $11K dollar-for-dollar tax credit.) Domestic and international adoptions have very different costs associated with them but the final number usually lands in the same ballpark. How predictable that cost is is a separate issue. Although international and domestic adoptions tend to average out to about the same cost, those pursuing international adoption can better plan their budgets. With international adoption, unless something unusual happens along the way, the APs will know most of the costs and when they’re due upfront. With domestic adoption, the total costs almost always vary with the particular PBM that selects you. Although you may know approximately when the agency fees are due (you certainly won’t know things like match date and placement date ahead of time), the birth mother expenses will be less predictable. Also, if a particular situation falls through, then usually the birth mother expenses that have already been paid are lost. These unforeseeable expenditures, of course, increase the total cost that domestic APs need to spend before they bring their forever child home and also increase the unpredictability of when different monies will be due.
Sixth, Trans-Racial Issues. This isn’t necessarily a domestic vs. international adoption issue. Certainly, more families formed through international adoption need to address trans-racial issues than those formed through domestic adoption, but it’s completely dependent on what you decide in terms of the baby that is right for your family. However, if you do proceed with a trans-racial adoption, it is important to think through the ways in which you will honor your child’s culture of origin as he or she grows. It’s also helpful to have friends and community contacts that share your child’s heritage and can serve as role models. This may involve changing churches or even moving to a more diverse neighborhood, but if it’s in your child’s best interest, what better reason could there be?
Seventh, Sibling Groups. With domestic adoption, with the exception of newborn twins, sibling groups are available almost exclusively through the foster system. Internationally, sibling groups are sometimes available from many countries. Certain countries, such as Russia, will even allow you to adopt an unrelated infant and toddler at the same time.
Eighth, Process. This is one area in which domestic and international adoption diverge drastically. The international process involves a traditional waiting list. Yes, there are a lot of complicated documents and requirements involved to get to the waiting list. But once you’re there, it’s just a matter of time until you receive your referral and there isn’t really anything you can do to expedite this difficult and stressful waiting period. With domestic adoption, on the other hand, you must market yourself to PBMs until one selects you. Although the time frame is unpredictable, as mentioned above, there are elements of the process over which you can exert control to minimize the wait time significantly. At a minimum, this involves creating a stellar Personal Profile which consists of a letter to the birth mother about who you are and what the baby’s life would be like with you. It also includes several pictures of your home, neighborhood, activities, families, etc. For those who are comfortable with it, the marketing plan can include personal networking as well as advertising in newspapers and via flyers. You can also increase the chances of getting selected quickly by making sure that your profile has as much exposure as possible through a carefully selected network of adoption agencies and attorneys.
Ninth, Concerns about the Birth Mother. This deserves at least one complete article in and of itself. However, for the purposes of this article, let’s stick to the key differences between international and domestic adoption. Most people who are in the early stages of considering domestic adoption have a fear of the birth mother “showing up on their doorstep.” For a variety of reasons, these fears often dissipate with education and time. In a closed or semi-open adoption, the birth mother won’t know where your doorstep is. Even if she found your doorstep, she would have no legal right to the baby if the adoption took place properly using reputable professionals in a state with no revocation period or if the revocation period had already passed. Most importantly though, almost all birth mothers who sign the consent, are at peace with their decision and have no intention of disrupting the baby’s life. Nevertheless, this fear often drives couples towards international adoption where these concerns, for the most part, do not exist.
Tenth, Adoptive Parents’ Ages. Many pre-adoptive parents are concerned that they’re “too old” to adopt. Most people who adopt these days are between the ages of 30 and 45, so being 40 does not make one “too old.” Domestically, being an older AP can slow the process down because a younger birth mother may be more hesitant to select an older couple. Interestingly, this seems to relate particularly to the adoptive mother’s age. The adoptive father’s age has much less of an impact. However, keep in mind that although you always want to be forthright with any PBM, your profile can certainly highlight your youthfulness regardless of your age. Internationally, your age may limit the countries for which you are eligible. Many countries have outright age limits and some limit the age difference that can exist between adopter and adoptee, thereby allowing older parents to adopt only older children.
Eleventh, Adoptive Parents’ Marital Status. Much of the same information that applies to older APs applies to single APs or APs with multiple divorces. Domestically, it can slow things down as not all PBMs will be comfortable with these situations. Just keep in mind that you’re not looking for A birth mother, but for the RIGHT birth mother. Internationally, some countries’ eligibility requirements specify that the APs have been married or in a “stable relationship” for a certain amount of time or limit the number of prior divorces allowed.
Finally, Availability of Children. Yes, there are more young children available internationally than domestically. However, newborns are only available domestically.
In summary, make sure you consider all the different implications of a path before you choose to pursue either domestic or international adoption. Be careful not to let fear and myths lead you astray. Get the latest facts and, based on those, make the decision that’s right for you, your family, and your forever child.
Nicole Witt is Executive Director of The Adoption Consultancy (www.TheAdoptionConsultancy.com) as well as a frequent adoption speaker. The Adoption Consultancy provides information and guidance to enable couples to safely adopt a newborn, usually within 3 to 12 months. Nicole received her MBA from Cornell University and spent over 10 years in Consulting and Strategic Marketing. She is recognized as an information source and can be reached at 813-681-6232 or nicole@theadoptionconsultancy.com
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