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Healthy Relationships Start Within
Wrong. Prince Charming may have a serious flaw or two, and when do you want to find out what those flaws are? Is he self-centered, immature, a narcissist, married, an alcoholic, a compulsive gambler, a deadbeat dad, a wanted felon? Does he have an anger management problem, serious control issues, a sexually-transmitted disease, or worse? Do you want to find these things out before or after you have sex? Before or after you're involved? Before or after it's too late? Love and relationships are an arena of universal fascination and desire, of confusion and dysfunction, of our greatest hopes and disillusionments. Many women ignore nagging questions and red flags in their search for love, and jump prematurely into bed and into relationships because they lack skills and tools for self-care and self-protection. And women have always paid a heavier price for failing to apply a little foresight and do a little due diligence before surrendering to chemistry. Consider the following two sets of statistics: First: The 2007 census counted over 92 million single Americans 18 or older. 54% of them were women. In 2002 over 900 dating services were listed in the U.S. That number has significantly increased. Men and women spend over $5 million annually on online personal ads and dating-related websites. And women purchase the lion's share of how-to books on dating, relationships and personal growth, which periodically top the bestseller lists. Second: Each year there are an estimated 19 million new cases of sexually-transmitted diseases. Women suffer more frequent and serious STD complications than men. The greatest threat to women, causing more injuries annually than cancer, strokes, heart attacks, car accidents, muggings and rapes combined, is domestic violence. One in three women will be beaten, coerced into having sex, or otherwise abused by their partners. Statistically, the most dangerous place for a woman to be is in her own home in an abusive relationship. Consider the following premises: - Great relationships begin within. - You can't have a loving, healthy relationship with a man until you have a loving, healthy relationship with yourself. - Women inevitably attract men who see and treat them the way they see and treat themselves; and they frequently settle for unhealthy, unsatisfying relationships that reflect their lack of self-care, self-love and self-esteem. - We are doomed to repeat our personal relationship history if we do not examine and learn from it. These ideas point to the necessary, life-changing inner work that makes any woman capable of creating healthy relationships, women develop the foresight to recognize and address dysfunction, in themselves and their potential partners, before they surrender to it. Women can: - Examine, understand and learn from their personal relationship histories. - When women have hopeful fantasies of "happily ever after," that often fail to come true, they abandon themselves and sabotage their relationships by giving their sacred selves and their power away. - Actively develop healthy, loving, conscious relationships with themselves by practicing self-inquiry, self-acceptance, self-care and self-love. - Recognize and change old, unhealthy beliefs and patterns of behavior that attract unhealthy men who match those patterns; men who inevitably treat women the way women treat themselves. - Transform, resolve, or extricate themselves from unhealthy relationships. - Find/attract healthy partners who share common values and goals. - Know their wounds and weaknesses; know their essential needs and bottom lines; know what is negotiable and non-negotiable; and know what their personal deal-breakers are. - Develop a foundation of healthy principles, standards and behaviors, to which they hold themselves and men accountable. - Master the six Tools for healthy relationships with themselves and men. - Begin to make wiser, more effective choices that create self-esteem and support healthy relationships. - Learn the art of effective "relationship interviews" and how to negotiate with a partner the difficult issues that inevitably arise in all relationships. - Heal and transform their relationship with themselves and turn their romantic relationships into arenas for emotional healing, psychological growth and spiritual awakening, as well as romantic love and happiness. Copyright (c) 2009 Center for Healthy Relationships Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com Find out what else Maryanne has to say about healthy relationships at www.hindsightbook.vpweb.com/default.html |
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