How To Listen So Kids Will Talk

You might find the title of this article, "How to Listen, so Kids Will Talk" to sound backwards. After all, isn't it the other way around? Aren't you supposed to get your kids to do the listening when you talk? Actually, it's both. True communication is a two-way street, a dialogue, an interchange. However, when one person is talking (usually the parent) and the other doesn't get a word in edgewise (generally the child,) then it's a lecture. When one person talks and the other discounts what is being said, it's a dead-end.

Although all parents want to able to talk with their children, poor communication or no communication is the way of life for many families. Now yelling, nagging, criticizing, ordering, lecturing, etc. don't count. Those are ways you might talk at your children, not with your children. And it's the talking with that constitutes true communication.

When you think of communication, you generally think about what you say. Words are the things that most people think constitute communication. Messages sent. But communication is so much more than words. Communication is about listening.

Really listening. And really taking in what the other person has to say. However, in my work with children, I have found that a basic problem with parent-child communication is that parents don't even think about how to listen so kids will talk. They are so busy talking, that they forget that kids have important things to say!

Ironically, while children really want to be able to talk to their parents, their #1 complaint is, "They don't listen." (This is followed closely by: "They don't have the time," "They don't understand" and "They overreact.")

So, want to know how to listen so kids will talk? By paying attention to everything they have to say--and then listening some more. Here are 10 Top Tips to foster communication between you and your children:

--Listen.

--Listen to what your children say.

--Listen to the way they say it.

--Listen to their body language.

--Listen to their behavior.

--Listen to what they don't say.

--Listen to their feelings.

--Listen to their opinions.

--Listen to the way they perceive things.

--Listen to their desire to be heard and understood.

How to listen so kids will talk? By keeping your mouth closed, leaning in closely and savoring the fact that your children are actually willing to tell you what they think and how they feel.

By: Dr. Vicki Panaccione

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Dr. Vicki is a passionate and dedicated child psychologist whose 25 year career has focused on listening to 100's of kids and helping 1000's of parents raise happy, successful kids. She is an internationally recognized psychologist, parenting authority, speaker, parent coach, media consultant, radio personality, best-selling author. Top 10 Tips for Top 10 Parenting Issues, visit www.betterparentinginstitute.com.