"To become acquainted with kindness one must be prepared to learn new things and feel new feelings. Kindness is more than a philosophy of the mind. It is a philosophy of the Spirit." Robert J. Furey
Breaking the ice
Years ago as a salesman, one of the most difficult things for me was how to attract people. I found, over the years, by following a few simple guidelines I was able to overcome this problem Here is what I do.
1.Approach people with your heart. Have you heard that saying, "he wears his heart on his sleeve?" Don't have your hands folded over your chest and if you are wearing a coat or suit, unbutton it. Show them you are open to them and they have nothing to fear. Like approching a dog with your palm up, approch strangers with a non threatening attitude.
2.Treat acquaintances and non-acquaintances, with equal enthusiasm. First always be sincere, show a warm smile, don't just smile, but radiate warmth in your smile. Project an air of friendship, lean slightly toward the person, (but not enough so they will detect it) extend your hand in friendship, take their hand firmly yet gently in your right hand, place your left hand under their forearm and gently cradle it for a moment.
3.When shaking a good friend's hand, firmly take their right hand in your right hand, cradle their upper arm in your left hand. A very good friend may warrant a pat on the shoulder. They won't even realized you've made this gesture, but they will have a feeling of warmth and friendship. This is a more familiar gesture and should be left to same sex greetings.
4.When a man meets a woman be careful as to not be too familiar.
5.If you enter a room where people are seated, gently pat your acquaintances on the shoulder as you pass by. Your friend will have a warm glow come over him/her because you are in their presence.
6.Your first word should be Hello or Hi, followed with your first name. Like, Hi, "I'm Don, how are you today?" be sincere in asking. if they want to elaborate, that's ok. Try to use their name at least three times in your initial conversation. If you have a problem with remembering names, write it down as soon a possible. This will aid you in remembering it. The more they tell you about themselves the more you will understand them.
7.Be empathetic, people love to talk and one of their favorite things to talk about is themselves.
8.Listen to what they have to say, if it's important to them then it's important to you.
9.Make them feel at ease, like an old trusted friend. People look for common ground, the number one thing you have in common with them is that you are another person.
10.Look for common ground on which to build.
People are comfortable with whatever is closest to them. It's because they feel a kinship or connection. The more alike you can be to someone the more likely they will accept you. If you are too different then he/she will see you as a threat and automatic defense mechanisms will be enacted. This process is an automatic response and usually not detected. When asked, "why don't you like so-in-so" the answer is usually, 'I don't know, there's just something about him/her" that I don't like." You can't quite put your finger on it, there's just something not right. The truth is, everyone passes judgment on others.
To override this automatic response system, you have to; first, be aware of it. Second, counteract it, and third, rebuild it. How do you do that? Always remember, confidence, confidence, confidence. You must gain their confidence. When you are aware that people run on an automatic response system, you are better able to look for signs in them that will empower you to penetrate their physi. With this newfound knowledge, you can touch them in a very special way. It's a check and balance system where you recognize their reaction and feed in the correct responses. Look at like a chess game or game of checkers. They make a move and you respond with a move. If you better know in which way they are going to react, then you can be prepared to counteract.
It's not really difficult. You can draw people to you if you are vigilant in your understanding of human motivation mechanics.Be aware of what motivates those around you. Your parents, spouse, children, lover, fellow worker, employee, boss, pastor or anyone else that is not you. They don't think like you because their perceptions are different than yours. They have their own agenda, and it's not yours. So, don't get unhappy, mad or upset when other people don't perform like you. This is where many people run into trouble in their quest for success. The people around you may not see you as anything other than what you have always been. They may become a deterrent to your efforts. It's nothing personal, they just don't have the prospective on you as you do. This is the time of proving. Be subtle about your transformation. It doesn't count for anything to do a lot of boosting of what you are going to be doing. There are a lot of "gonna do" people around and your friends and family may be placing you in that catagory. People don't want you to change, they are used to you as you are. In fact, you may present a threat to them. They may have to change to keep up.
"People may or may not say what they mean ... but they always say something designed to get what they want." David Mamet
