How To Discipline Young Children

The best overall discipline with young kids who are still beginning to talk and just starting to walk is to simply pick them up and remove them from what they're doing. Kids are naturally curious; don't read too much into their actions. Simply distract them and avoid the power play.

Work hard at minimizing the word no. First-time parents in particular use the word no so often that babies are anesthetized to it by the time they're six months old. I know a dog trainer who told me that he rarely uses the word come when training a dog, because the word was ruined before the trainer ever got to the dog. A good trainer will never repeat a command, but by the time a dog is three months old, he's already heard, "Come here, Rosie, come here. Come on, come here. That's it. Come here!" The word come means nothing to the dog at that point. If she disobeyed it without consequence for the first few months of her life, it will be extremely difficult to train her using that same word. It's far more effective to choose a different word altogether.

The same principle holds true for parents, babies, and the word no. It's overused. In fact, get another word for the big issues, because you're going to need it when there's greater urgency. If baby has picked up a nice pillow, for example, and you say, "No, no, put the pillow down," there isn't a compelling reason for the one-year-old baby to consider the word no any more important as he pokes a fork into the electrical outlet! You want a word that is reserved for true urgency, said with such a force that it will at least make your baby jump.

Parents often talk about "baby-proofing" their home, referring to making it safer. But I think it's just as important to baby-proof your home so as to avoid unnecessary discipline. Remove the fragile items that will draw a young child's natural attention. When they do grab something they shouldn't have, slip to diversion: Give them something else, and they'll usually forget about the forbidden item right away. Engage your child with boundaries and limits while working hard to create an environment that isn't unnecessarily tempting. If I'm on a diet, I don't want ice cream in the house. If I've got a young child, I'm not going to leave expensive glassware within his reach. Why court temptation?

I don't believe spanking is appropriate under the age of two, and I think it runs its course by the age of six. I used to say eight, but I've been moving younger for years. As soon as a kid is six, there are so many other things you can do besides spanking. The key is to find out what's important to your child??what kind of discipline will make an impact. Some children hate being isolated from you or their siblings, so being told to sit in another room for five minutes by themselves is discipline that really works. Other times it may take losing a privilege??like a special treat, their favorite television program, or a missed birthday party.

If you're going to use spanking in any shape or form, always use an open hand on your kid's bottom. Never use anything that would leave a mark in any way. Not only is it illegal, leaving a mark constitutes abuse. Spanking is meant to correct a behavior, not to mark a body. If you hit hard enough to leave a telltale mark, you've gone overboard. That's why you must be in control of your emotions before you spank. You're way too big and way too strong in relation to a small child to be flailing away in anger. If you're not in control of your emotions, don't spank.

That's why I believe that spanking should be very rare. Save it for the "big issues" and true cases of defiance, not simple immaturity. In many cases all it takes from a parent is a stern look or a stern word to stop unwanted behavior.

Other children, even young children, are able to understand simple explanations as to why you don't want them to behave a certain way (such as running out into the street). Our youngest child is now ten years old. She has been spanked a grand total of one time in her entire life. If all you're doing for discipline is spanking, something is wrong with the relationship.

Another caveat here: If you were physically abused as a child, I recommend that you avoid spanking altogether. The baggage you're carrying is too great and too dangerous for you to play on this field. There are other forms of discipline that would be more appropriate for you to use.

Keep in mind, of equal importance to the pain of a spanking is Mom's stern look, the tone of her voice, and her demeanor that communicates the seriousness of the moment. Your child will read all of that well enough without being swatted. While I don't rule out spanking altogether, I think it should be used only as a last resort and as one component of your entire response. Before a spanking, however, make sure you explain age-appropriately to your child why she is being spanked. This also allows you a minute to take a breath, to cool down, and to think straight before you act.

After a spanking, you need to hold your child, put her on your shoulder, and reassure her that you love her. But also stress that she can't continue to act that way. Talk calmly and lovingly, and make the entire episode an event. If you don't have time to reassure your child and talk about what happened, don't spank her. To reach out in anger and give her a quick swat and not follow through with training is, in my view, very poor parenting. Spanking may be necessary as part of the process, but it's sheer laziness to use it as the entire process.

By: Jamal Sanders

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Jamal Runs A Furniture Site on Couch Slipcovers and Chair Slipcovers