One of the hardest things to deal with in our quest to find a mate is a break-up. A break- up occurs because the relationship isn’t working for someone. This is why we date! We are learning to be in a relationship. Hanging on to something that isn’t working is a hard lesson in futility.
When we do find someone we want to invest a lot of our time with, the relationship takes on a different meaning. This is a meaning we can only give it. We may call it “serious” or “steady.” We label our mate as, “a keeper” or “perfect match.” When the relationship does not live up to the expectation, the break-up takes on a meaning also.
As humans, we love to give everything meaning. A break-up can be as dramatic as you want to make it. It can be as tragic and sad as your heart’s content. We look for pity and sympathy for the injustice that was the result of our false expectation.
The bottom line is that we create it all! We don’t want to take responsibility for feeling humiliated. There had to be a rational for what has happened. I have known people who spend half their lives looking for those reasons. They are reasons that are made up!
Realize that in your life time, you will date many people. You will be friends with even more and you will marry a few. In any case, every one of your relationships will end. No relationship will last forever!
Is breaking up hard to do? Or do we make it harder than we need to? Actually, a break up may be the best thing that happens to two people dating. A break up is a stepping stone towards a better relationship with someone more desirable.
Someone actually did you a favor by ending the relationship. They spared you from more misery whether can see it or not. They are not rejecting you, they are rejecting themselves. Learn from the experience and move on.
We try to survive a relationship with the idea that we may never find someone else to love. What we give away will never come back to us. A great way to start the letting go process is to admit you where wrong about your choice of partner.
It is asking the impossible to expect someone to make you happy in a relationship. You are responsible for bringing 100% of your happiness and your partner 100% of his or her happiness to the relationship. When you feel that happiness is compromised, it is time to move on. See how the game is played?
You actually have a clear choice in any relationship. You can either choose love or misery. Most people will choose misery with the idea that you have to be miserable first to experience true happiness. When you choose love, a couple is actually living in the relationship rather than trying to survive and fix it.
Break-ups are not the end of the world! Every day couples break-up and will continue to separate. This is the way the world of love works. With the proper perspective you will continue to explore and create the loving relationships with someone who is interested in the same.
Written by David H. Paredez @2008 – All Rights reserved
David H. Paredez is the CEO of You Improve Books where he offers practical and stimulating relationship self help books to help you achieve healthy, happy relationships with your mate. Visit his site at www.youimprove.com
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