Custom Search
|
|
How To Communicate
My intention is to write a "Survival Guide for Communicating Effectively". Here you will find 10 practical keys for effective communication. Anthologies could be written (and plenty have been!) for each one of these keys, but my idea is to keep it, short and to the point! 1. Create a void. When we talk to someone, we bring all our stories into the conversation. We tend to bring our daily distractions, the phone call we need to make, the movie we want to see, our friend's birthday present, etc. We need to leave all of that out to the best of our abilities. We also tend to bring our assumptions, our past stories, our expectations, judgments and values. Its best to leave all of that where it belongs (namely, outside of the conversation), to be open, and to make every conversation a new experience. Create a safe space for that communication, create a void free of noise, both physically and mentally. Start out fresh. Be focused. Ignore that cell phone. Stop whatever youre doing so you can give your full attention. Have you ever received the automatic "I’m listening" response from someone whos watching TV? I have. It ‘s not fun. 2. Set the right tone. If you were my client and I picked up the phone to you with an apathetic, spiritless greeting: "Hello (yawn). I am so excited about working with you (yawn) on making your life amazing (yawn)" you would hang up before I could finish the sentence, and I would have failed to set an appropriate tone for our talk. Take a minute or two to create the mood, and greet accordingly. Set your breath, your sight, your body posture, your voice tone, have a purpose in your mind. 3. Listen! Now that we are physically and mentally there, listen. I mean, really listen. Don’t play the "what you’re trying to say is..." game, nor start to think of your answer while the other person is still talking. If we start thinking while we’re listening, then guess what. We’re no longer listening! Keep the communication channels open, and keep your mind on what is being said, and how it’s being said. Disappear into the conversation. Pick up tonality, speed, silences, intention. Plenty of hidden messages are surrounding the words. 4. Adapt yourself to your audience. Some people are direct, others can be indirect. Some are extroverts, while others are introverts. Some are detail oriented, others are abstract thinkers. I sometimes think that everyone processes information the same way I do. Does that ever happen to you? Some people need 10 minutes of small talk before jumping into the matter at hand, others get bored if you take more than 10 seconds to cut to the chase. Some talk at the speed of light, others goooo veeeeeeeeeryyyyyyyyyyy sloooowlyyyyy. Some will talk about their feelings, others about data. Some about fun, others about specifics. Know the other persons' style! Adapt to your audience. That will help you avoid repeating the "no matter how many times I try to explain it to him, he just doesn't get it" scenario. Adapt yourself to the other person's world. 5. Communicate. That’s obvious, right? Well, some people just seem to ramble on and on, give speeches, or beat around the bush. Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve been listening for 20 minutes and you still don't know what the hell is going on? (I can see you rolling your eyeballs. Yup, it is annoying). Let's not do that. Think of the message you want to communicate. Focus. Deliver your message. If you need to be very deliberate, it doesn't hurt to prepare for the conversation beforehand, think in writing, and do some soul-searching: "What is it that I want to communicate? How am I going to do it? What is the outcome I am looking for in this conversation?" 6. Ask open ended questions. "How was your week?" vs. "What did you do last week?". "Was the lecture good?" vs. "Tell me about the lecture!". A question has the power to direct the topic and set the tone. With "yes/no" questions, you merely gather data. With open-ended questions, however, you set the mood for exploration and sharing, you show interest and empathy. Give feedback. Share. Go on a journey. Keep the ball rolling by asking more and more open ended questions, and dig into the subject. Like the sang in Grease: "Tell me more, Tell me more!" 7. Be courageous. If we mean to grow, at some point, communication will have to go where we haven’t been before. We will have to be vulnerable, and risk rejection. Or we will have to defend an idea, and disagree with other people. We can find elegant and firm ways to do this. We can be firm in our opinions and at the same time show interest in another’s point of view. You can be agreeable when you have to, but have your values and opinions firmly in place. A great question to ask is "you know, I am really interested in knowing how you reached that conclusion." There might be a time when the right thing to do is to change our minds, and that is a sign of courage and character. 8. What else could this mean? Or "beware of misunderstandings". If something triggers a strong and immediate reaction in you, distrust it to begin with. With few exceptions, our reactions are learned in our past, and have little to do with what’s happening right now. Feelings can be deceptive. Use one of the best tools to life: questions. If you feel your blood pressure rising, ask yourself "What else could this mean?" or "If this were a completely new situation, what could this mean?". Ask for clarification if you are unclear. Be in charge of the meaning you give to things. Above all avoid assumptions. Hack into your automatic reactions and keep asking the questions that will help clarify things for you. 9. Communicate towards closure. There is something about completion that usually makes us feel good. When the time is right, direct the conversation towards closure, and you will both leave the conversation satisfied. You can do this by reaching agreements, acknowledging things you have in common, and leading towards what is possible and positive, rather than focusing on what cannot be resolved. Agreeing and committing to an action plan is one of the best ways to achieve closure, and taking immediate action to make your commitment a reality brings value to the interaction. 10. End light. End well. Research shows that we evaluate our memories based on the last moments of any given experience. Make sure your communications end with a feeling of lightness, goodwill, humor and empathy. Take time to create a good, cheerful feeling in the other person. Leave them smiling. Smile yourself. Create a good memory. As corny as it may sound, we humans are guided by our memories, and feelings, rarely by objectivity or facts. We evaluate experiences based on emotions, and our emotions are triggered by our memories, which are built up with more intensity towards the end of the experience. Communication doesnt stop here, and I would love to explore this subject further. Not only verbal, but non-verbal communication as well. Not only person to person, but also with our environment. What does our living room communicate about us? What does our desk communicate? How about our wardrobe? Our budget? Our iPod playlist? We are always communicating, and that´s why it´s good to pay close attention, plan accordingly, and be self-directed about it! Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com LCO is a resource for those who want to make a dream come true, and for those who need to get their life on track. |
|