Your partner walks out after a really bad quarrel. Something tells you they may mean it this time. After a sleepless night, you rub your swollen eyes and try to think what to do to get your ex back in your life.
You will be going through a whole range of emotions, including anger, hurt, regret and sadness but it's not the end of the world. You have choices. If you choose to mend your relationship there is excellent advice on 'how to get back with an ex' easily available on the Internet.
That should make you feel better at once. You don't just have to sit back and suffer. You can take action if you want to but it must be the right action. Here are some dos and don't to guide you.
DO:
1. Control your emotions
A critical part of how to get back with an ex is to master your own emotions. It's difficult but you must. Uncontrolled emotions ruin everything. The most damaging feeling, and one you must conquer, is the feeling of rejection. Your ego has been hurt and it wants revenge but if you let it off the leash it will create havoc. Train yourself so that when thoughts about rejection or revenge come up you put them away in the far corners of your mind. The same applies to self- pity. Just don't indulge these negative emotions. Why? Because they quickly lead to jealousy and neediness, which will drive your partner away as fast as a Ferrari at top speed. Think positive and concentrate on your goal.
2. Make a plan
This is VITAL. Your bid to get your ex back must be plotted like a military campaign, one step at a time. To prepare an effective plan you need advice. There are first-class programs on the Internet and they have been proven to work. Not only do these programs suggest the way forward, they help to explain what is going on in your partner's mind. This invaluable help will turbo-charge your confidence and make you feel empowered.
3. Be kind to yourself
To help control negative feelings be as good to yourself as you can. The saying "love yourself and others will love you" has a lot of truth in it. Go out, meet friends and do the things you enjoy. Eat well, exercise and take care of your looks and health. Many people forget the importance of this when giving advice in how to get back with an ex.
4. Be calm and casual
If the ex calls, be friendly but casual and avoid any heavy topics. This may surprise and nettle them. They may be expecting you to be miserable and heart-broken. If you seem to be quite normal and not pining, they will feel curious and even slightly irritated. This irritation can actually spark off the attraction that originally made you get together. Independence is sexy.
DON'T
1. Text or call endlessly
This looks like clinginess and dependence and is a real turn off. Just don't do it. Give yourself and the ex a bit of space to heal and regroup. If you use one of the Internet relationship repair programs, it will advise you how and when to make contact in your bid to get your ex back.
2. Keep apologizing and saying how much you love them
If you owe an apology there will be a right time to make it. And telling someone you love them is the most powerful thing you can say to another human being. BUT don't debase this valuable currency by using it inappropriately or it will become worthless. A timely apology is a nuclear warhead in your arsenal but don't launch it at the wrong time. You should tell your ex you love them only when they are desperate to hear you say those words again.
3. Get friends involved
Friends often complicate the whole scenario so don't use them in your game plan. Avoid any friends that are taking sides. You may need a mentor to talk things over with but this person must remain just a listener and not get involved. After all, when you get your ex back you want all the friends to feel comfortable when they meet you.
4. Start dating someone else
Some relationship counsellors suggest you should date another person to demonstrate your independence but I strongly advise against it. It will only lead to complications later and is unfair on the person you use as a device to get your ex back.
These suggestions give you hints what to do and what not to do in your 'how to get back with an ex' campaign. But to make it all work you need much more help than I can provide here.
