Part of self esteem stems from how we describe and define ourselves. When our self-esteem is low, we might be constantly negative about our performance, abilities, and worth. We might have frequent thoughts like: "I'm fat." "I can't do that." "They don't like me." "I messed up again. I always mess up." "I shouldn't have done or said that." It is difficult to stop these thoughts, but it can be done with awareness and practice.
The first step is to become aware of these thoughts. If you keep a notebook handy and write down your negative thoughts for a couple of days it can give you an idea as to the nature of how you criticize and undervalue yourself. You can then sit down and go over the criticisms one by one and address them. For instance, yes, it may be true that you are overweight, but surely there are several nice things you can say about your appearance. And you may have reason to be proud of the efforts you are making for your health. Cross out the negative comment and write these positive things down. Many of your criticisms of yourself you will find are not true. No one always messes up, and almost anything in life you can learn to do.
Trying your best, no matter what the outcome, is worth respecting in yourself, whether that is what you do in a relationship, trying to lose weight, trying to do a good job, or attempting to do something new. Give yourself credit for doing your best. And thoughts such as, "They don't like me," are made up. You don't know they don't like you, and often it doesn't even matter if they don't because there are people who do like and love you. Now that you have replaced some of your habitual criticisms of yourself with more truthful and positive statements, keep your notes handy for a while, and when you catch yourself criticizing, replace it with your new positive statements of yourself.
Here is another thing you can do. Write down ten of your best qualities and memorize them. You might be for example: honest, kind, very intelligent, a hard worker, generous, a good parent, an A student, religiously faithful, a sincere friend, and diligent. Remind yourself of these qualities morning, noon, and night until they sink in, and add to the list. Let this become the core of your new sense of identity.
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