Read the following and praise the Lord that you did not write in the days of Sir Walter Scott.
“The eldest of these men had a stern, savage, and wild aspect. His garment was of the simplest form imaginable, being a close jacket with sleeves, composed of the tanned skin of some animal, on which the hair had been originally left, but which had been worn off in so
many places, that it would have been difficult to distinguish from the patches that remained, to what creature the fur had belonged. This primeval vestment reached from the throat to the knees, and served at once all the usual purposes of body-clothing; there was no wider opening at the collar, than was necessary to admit the passage of the head, from which it may be inferred, that it was put on by slipping it over the head and shoulders, in the manner of a modern shirt, or ancient hauberk.
Sandals, bound with thongs made of boars' hide, protected the feet, and a roll of thin leather was twined artificially round the legs, and, ascending above the calf, left the knees bare, like those of a Scottish Highlander. To make the jacket sit yet more close to the body, it was gathered at the middle by a broad leathern belt, secured by a brass buckle; to one side of which was attached a sort of scrip, and to the other a ram's horn, accoutred with a mouthpiece, for the purpose of blowing. In the same belt was stuck one of those long, broad, sharp-pointed, and two-edged knives, with a buck's-horn handle, which were fabricated in the neighbourhood, and bore even at this early period the name of a Sheffield whittle. The man had no covering
upon his head, which was only defended by his own thick hair, matted and twisted together, and scorched by the influence of the sun into a rusty dark-red colour, forming a contrast with the overgrown beard upon his cheeks, which was rather of a yellow or amber hue. One part of his dress only remains, but it is too remarkable to be suppressed; it was a brass ring, resembling a dog's collar, but without any opening, and soldered fast round his neck, so loose as to form no impediment to his breathing, yet so tight as to be incapable of being removed, excepting by the use of the file. On this singular gorget was engraved, in Saxon characters, an inscription of the following purport: Gurth, the son of Beowulph, is the born thrall of Cedric of Rotherwood."
Four hundred and eleven words to describe a secondary character in the novel, Ivanhoe. I’ve written shorter novels!
But it raises an interesting point. Does our need for brevity in this modern day and age mean that we miss out on some of the colour and texture that Scott imbues his character with? Because, let’s face it, the above might make for an arduous read, but if one does actually read it, it paints a vivid and living character.
So, always ready to face any challenge on behalf of my readers, I decided to rewrite the description of Gurth, son of Beowulf, for a modern audience. It’s inevitable that I’m going to lose something, but will it be really important? You be the judge, I give you Gurth.
‘The older guy was a brutal looking type, his slip-over leather jacket worn to nothing, his pigskin sandals tied to his calves by strips of yet more leather. Round his waist was a wide belt, fastened by a brass buckle, at one hip a small wallet and at the other a ram’s horn complete with a mouthpiece for blowing. In the belt was stuck a knife, sharp and two-edged.
He was hatless, but that was no lack because his hair, thick and red, served to cover his head, though his shaggy beard was of a lighter hue.
What was most interesting was the brass ring, welded round his neck. It bore the legend, Gurth, son of Beowulf, is the slave of Cedric of Rotherwood.’
Not bad, got it down to a hundred and twenty four words without losing too much. Wouldn’t want to meet either of these two characters up a dark alley though.
In reality I would never spend a sentence, never mind a paragraph or page to describe a character as he entered a story. I would spread the descriptive stuff in the form of adjectives or adverbs over a scene, so that by the end the reader had a picture as best as I could paint it. Over and above that, rather than mere description I would have his physical appearance revealed through the comments or thoughts of other characters. This whole process would, hopefully, be so subtle that the reader would pick up the picture without even knowing that the character had been described.
Even though I still read the old stuff, and love it, I admit I cheat. Scott might not have been able to write tightly, but I can still skim.
Gurmeet Mattu is a comedy writer with an award winning 25 year writing career. He currently offers free factsheets, critiques and online writing training at www.scriptschool.co.uk
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