Custom Search
|
|
Love Your Children-unconditional Love
The unconditional love of a parent is without question the most important message to convey to any child: No matter what you do, I will always love you. Sounds really simple, I know. Because you know in your heart that you love your children without fail. Is there anything that would ever cause you not to love your children? Of course not! However, many children believe that parental love is conditional, based on such criteria as academic performance, behavior and so on. They feel when they get a good grade, clean their room, are nice to their sister, get a goal and so on, then their parents love them; but when they are in trouble, the love isn't there. Honestly--I hear this from children much too frequently. When they are in trouble or feel as though they have disappointed their parents, kids think that the love is withdrawn. This then, of course, makes it appear that love is conditional. That they are only worth loving when they are well-behaved, well-performing little beings. But what about when they are messing up? That's probably even more important a time to make sure they are feeling the love. It is crucial to separate out disapproval regarding a behavior from constant love for your child. For instance, when disciplining, telling your child you love her, but you do not like her behavior, conveys that your love is as strong as ever, even when you don't like something she's done. Hugs and reprimands are not mutually exclusive! This shows you love your children, even when you don't like what they have done. When your kids know that you love your children all the time, they feel lovable and worthwhile. When they do, they can then begin to learn to love themselves. And only when they truly love themselves can they really learn to love others. Showing affection is a great way to show that you love your children. Be as affectionate as your kids will allow. Some children love to be hugged, held and kissed. Others are not as comfortable with physical contact. And as children become older, they may shy away from some forms of affection that were once enjoyed. It becomes 'uncool' to be hugged by your mom in front of your friends, for instance. This is age-appropriate, and not a personal rejection. There are many other ways that you can keep your affection connection: winks, hair tussles, arm around the shoulders, secret signals, etc. can show you love your children in ways that may be more suited for the child's age or stage. Another way to express your love is to give positive affirmations frequently and effortlessly. Affirmations are the validating messages we tell our children. They are wonderful ways to express you love your children for just being who they are. Positive messages help develop positive self-esteem, confidence and validation. Affirmations can be related to something they've done: "I knew you could do it!", "I'm really proud of you," "Boy you're a fast learner!" or "Couldn't have done it better myself!" And then there are the affirmations we tell our children for no reason at all, unsolicited by behavior, grades or other accomplishments. We tell them just because they are. Some of my favorites include: "I'm so glad to be your mom," "Your smile lights up the room," "You're awesome!" and "I appreciate you." How do you show that you love your children unconditionally? Think about making an affirmation list of your own! Make sure that when you tell your kids, "I love you," they know you love them--no matter what! Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com Dr. Vicki is a passionate and dedicated child psychologist whose 25 year career has focused on listening to 100's of kids and helping 1000's of parents raise happy, successful kids. She is an internationally recognized psychologist, parenting authority, speaker, parent coach, media consultant, radio personality, best-selling author. Top 10 Tips for Top 10 Parenting Issues, visit www.betterparentinginstitute.com. |
|