Make It Easy To Behave By Cueing, Grooming & Shaping

Getting kids to behave well is a dilemma for many parents.

Discipline is thought to be reactive – that is, it is something that we do after kids have behaved poorly.

But it is also about being proactive – that is, making it is easy for kids to behave well.

Most kids want to behave well but for some this is difficult to achieve. It helps if parents make it easy to for kids to be good.

Here are three tools to make it easy for kids to behave well. They are cueing, grooming and shaping.

Here is how each works.

Cueing: Sometimes kids need to be cued into the behaviour you want. That means you give kids some warning, time to cooperate or even a reminder. For instance, you may give a toddler a few warnings about what is coming next. “You’re going to have a story soon.” “Story time in a minute!” “Story time now!” You may prompt them to behave well – e.g “It’s bedtime. What’s the first thing you need to do now?”

Cueing is best used when you know you are breaking into whatever children are doing and there may be some resistance or when children need a hand to remember what to do.

Grooming: This refers to training kids in certain ways so they are prepared for future situations. It is about forming effective habits that become second nature and automatic. For instance, you groom kids to use manners in public by expecting them to use them with you. You train kids to be independent when they are young so that doing things for themselves becomes second nature when they go to school. They think nothing of making their own snacks because they have always done it.

This is a long-term, big picture tool.

Shaping: There are many ways to shape behaviour but the best are describing kids being good and mirroring.

Describe kids behaving well so that they get an understanding about their behaviour and its positive effects on others. For instance, you shape children’s behaviour when you accurately describe how you want them to greet a stranger or behave in a new situation. Alternatively, you make a bit of a fuss and give an accurate description after they have behaved well. E.g. “That was clever the way you looked Ella in the eye and said her name when you said Hello.”

Mirroring refers to showing kids how they behaved so they understand its impact on others.

As significant adults parents mirror back to kids the behaviours they want to promote so they understand their impact on others.

I am sure parents of the past cued, groomed and shaped the behaviour they wanted in their children. They just weren’t known by those terms.

Never mind what the tools are called.

Quite simply, the more time you spend making it is easy for kids to behave well the less time you spend correcting poor behaviour…………and the better kids will feel about themselves.

By: Michael Grose

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Michael Grose is Australia's No.1 parenting expert. He is the director of www.parentingideas.com.au, the author of 7 books for parents & a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore & the USA. Get your FREE Chores & Responsibilities for Kids Guide when you visit www.parentingideas.com.au. Get a hold of Michael's sensational new book Why First Borns Rule the World & Last Borns Want to Change It at www.michaelgrose.com.