Manners, Aikido, And Ki Moments

In a recent Wall Street Journal editorial, columnist Peggy Noonan discussed the disappearance of manners in our culture. The article was provoked by news stories of Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant whose claim to fame is the rudeness with which he addressed passengers at their arrival gate before taking the emergency chute to the tarmac and driving home. Peggy's article got me thinking about manners, ki moments, and the contribution we each make in creating our culture.

Manners do seem in short supply. The culture shift is often blamed on frayed nerves, economic pressure, new cultural models that view "manners" as old-fashioned, and the fast pace of technology.

In Aikido, etiquette represents respect and safety. Because the martial arts are by nature physical and because we can inadvertently injure, we place a great deal of importance on observing dojo (school) norms, such as thanking and bowing to each other frequently and deliberately. We remind each other¬¬--and ourselves--of our positive intent. Proper etiquette is a distinguishing characteristic of a good dojo.

In everyday life off the mat--in our homes, schools, and workplaces, on airplanes, trains, buses, and in our own vehicles--manners also communicate respect and safety. They provide structure in an otherwise high-speed, pressurized world--a structure that helps us stop before we do harm. Manners elevate the user and the receiver, and represent who we are as a person, team, community, or society.

In return, when we feel etiquette has been breached, we can speak up. Yes, it takes time and clarity of intention to create an intentional culture, but I feel more energized, not less, when I'm respectful and ask for respect, whether it be from the home repairman, my family, or my coworker.

I think Steven Slater had a rough time that day. But he missed a Ki Moment. By acting in a courteous manner, I think he could have shown everyone on that airplane how to be safe, respectful, and powerful. And he would have elevated all who witnessed the exchange. He might not have made headlines, but then true power often does not.

Each culture has its own etiquette. What contributes to safety and respect in your workplace? In your home? How do you help co-create your environment, and how can you invite more intention around these ideas?

By: Judy Ringer

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Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict and the award-winning e-zine, Ki Moments. Judy is a black belt in aikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a positive work environment. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit www.JudyRinger.com