Millions of middle age to older men in the United States are the primary caregivers for one or more of their disabled elderly parents. What does a male caregiver need today? Here are recommendations and sources.
Recommendations for Male Caregivers
“Whether an ill relative has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis, Lou Gehrig’s disease, or a stroke, male caregivers often find their new role to be daunting and all-consuming,” reports the non-profit Menstuff® in a 14-page report on its website.
Be Positive
“Most men have grown up in a household – and certainly a culture – in which females have been perceived as the primary family nurturers. Yet, often by necessity, more men than ever are rolling up their sleeves and helping an ill loved one with day-to-day tasks such as dressing, toileting, bathing, eating, changing dressings and managing medications,” says Menstuff.
Menstuff recommends that men who focus on the positive aspects of caregiving will find the task and commitment less challenging. Many men described the companionship a most positive benefit aspect of their caregiving.
Focus on Yourself
Male caregivers need to focus on maintaining their own health. “Men experience more anxiety in handling the multiple demands of care, while also learning new skills,” according to Betty J. Kramer, Ph.D, and Edward H. Thompson, Jr., Ph.D., in their book, Men as Caregivers. “Men have greater physical health difficulties and depression, do not tend to be familiar with dealing with social service agencies, and are often uncomfortable asking for help.” The experts recommend that male caregivers see their own physicians on a regular basis, maintain a healthy diet and establish a regular exercise routine.
“If male caregivers do focus on maintaining their health, they are better able to equip themselves with the skills necessary to handle the care situations and needs,” writes Kendra Micka, MSW, Family Consultant with the California-based Del Oro Caregiver Resource Center.
Find Support
Male caregivers need to learn about the many social, health and human services available in the community for himself as well as the patient, according to the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging. An AdvantAge survey reported that 35 percent of men age 65-plus were unaware of most services available locally.
On its website the organization offers a detailed listing of services plus contact information for Area Agencies on Aging, the starting point for assistance in every community in the nation.
Support services and programs for male caregivers have been launched in many communities throughout the nation. Some are disease-or-condition specific, such as those operated by the Alzheimer’s Association and Muscular Dystrophy Association.
A Caregiver Example
Dan Zeorlin’s caregiving story is a textbook example of men who are primary caregivers. In 2003, Zeorlin’s loved one was diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2003. Zeorlin transferred most of his professional structural engineering assignments to his home office so he could provide full-time care to his family member, plus full-time parenting to his two daughters.
At the time, many people considered his decision radical because they believed that family caregiving was provided by women.
Dan Zeorlin had much to learn but, at the time in the Kansas City area, he found no support groups or programs for men as caregivers. He then checked nationally for information and support and discovered a similar void.
“Linda’s treatment, recovery and recuperation was most intense the first year,” states Zeorlin. “I had much to learn. I believed then, as I do now, that sharing with and support by other caregivers, is very important.
“Learning to give care was, for me, an epiphany. Linda asked me to accompany her on the fight of her life, so I chose to become more dependable,” adds Zeorlin.
In March of this year, 2008, Linda completed her fifth year without a return of breast cancer. The odds against it ever returning are now almost totally in her favor. Over the five year period of caregiving, Dan Zeorlin became a serious advocate for services and programs for male caregivers to and for their elderly parents.
Over the same five-year period, new research found and reported that, in 2003, men comprised 30 percent of the caregivers of older and disabled family members; and today’s estimates increase their share of caregiving to almost 40 percent.
Today, some support groups for male caregivers are operating in many areas of the nation. Zeorlin continues his commitment to caregiving as a board member of the Community Care Coalition in Kansas City. He has also drafted a caregiver’s manual for men and developed a detailed proposal and plan for In Their Names, a national organization with local support group programs for male caregivers. What he sought but did not find in services, programs and information for male caregivers five years ago is now increasing around the United States.
Men as caregivers today
As the number of mature adults continues to increase, there is added need for male caregivers for their parents and other family members. To their gain, more information and support is available today than five years ago. With the new research about the large percentage of male caregivers, more programs and services are finally becoming reality.
