Overcoming Social Anxiety: Three Cbt Techniques

The techniques should be repeatedly practiced until they become habitual and second nature to you.

[ Technique 1: Be Quick In Speech ]

Waiting too long before replying often sounds a little dull, so be quick in speech. Using your experience, make a speedy reply to whatever is being said or asked.

If you’re experienced and confident, you can open your mouth without thinking about what you are saying. Because you just know it will be good.
Try to reply to people speedily, but not too quickly or it will sound try-hard. Also, don’t wait too long with saying something, or you run the risk of being perceived as dull and slow.

This doesn’t meant that you should always have an answer ready and always quickly reply to anything that’s said. But It’s good now and then to be a little speedy in conversation, to show your conversational wits.

[ Technique 1: The Conversational Web ]

Here’s a great social secret and way to have endless conversations with friends, acquaintances, or strangers. It’s called the Web, or the Conversational Web. In a web all the strands are connected to other strands. And like a strand of a web, a conversational topic can also be connected to other topics.

For example, having a drink is connected to these topics: eating in a restaurant, having a good time, enjoying the food, ordering a new drink, meeting up with friends, talking about social anxiety therapy with a friend at the table, to name but a few. As you can see, these topics are related or associated to other topics, like a sort of web. When talking to someone, you can come up with many things to talk about this way. With some practice, you can keep a conversation going for a long time.

Try it 2 or 3 times. Holiday > Lying in the sun > Having a really good drink at the swimming pool > Taking a swim in a giant and luxurious swimming pool > Listening to music in your hotel room with a friend > Putting on new clothes you bought for the night, etc. All these topics are associated to each other: Holiday > Sun > A Drink > A Swim > Hotel room > New clothes.

One last thing to think about. After talking for a while, you might want to take a break. Silent moments are not always a bad thing. A silent moment, for 5 to 10 seconds, is a good break. After that come up with a new topic.

[ Technique 3: Assessing Social Situations ]

A very important technique. If you know you can’t speak well in public, it’s better to avoid it for some time. First improve in other areas, such as having good conversations with friends and talking to strangers at a party. Once you improve in these areas, you’ll have more confidence, and perhaps you’ll feel ready for public speaking. So do not get into too difficult situations, but also do not stay in the safe zone for too long. All in all, a feeling of FEAR is a good indication that something is too difficult. For why else would you fear it?

Think about degrees of difficulty of every situation. Think about yourself and what you’re capable of, and don’t overestimate yourself or you might get heavy social anxiety. It’s better to approach things step by step, from easy to difficult. So do not over-estimate or under-estimate yourself. Don't get into trouble; don't sell yourself short.

If you have social anxiety and do things that give you a lot of anxiety, your social anxiety will very likely only get worse! This is why you should review situations. Try to avoid the very stressful, anxiety-provoking situations. Keep doing the things you feel comfortable with. And also, try to get out of your Comfort Zone by trying personal challenges.

There are different kind of social situations: talking to a good friend or family member, talking to a classmate, talking to a stranger, talking to a good looking cashier, doing a small presentation at school, or public speaking for a large crowd. Some are more stressful than others, depending on your skills and experience. Before doing something difficult, think if it’s too difficult or at your current skill level. This is important: if you don’t do this your anxiety will probably get worse.

Of course, sometimes you don’t have a choice, and must do something. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to prepare a little (or not at all if you like that better) and make the best of it. In short, before doing something, review a situation and see if it fits your social skills. If it’s too difficult, try not to do it. If it’s too easy, try doing something harder to get out of your comfort zone.

By: Benjamin van Bentum

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The Social Anxiety Guide - Tips, articles, and techniques to overcome social anxiety disorder, Dr. Benjamin van Bentum, social coach and PhD. in psychology. The Social Anxiety Guide