When it comes to bullying, we can find ourselves questioning how we are parenting about all sorts of issues. There are so many facets to what causes a child to be mean to another and why is one child singled out from the rest as the victim. Dealing with situations when your child is the instigator can be confusing. And seeing your child terrorized by other children can be heartbreaking.
Children need a guiding hand growing up. They need boundaries, plain and simple. We like to praise our children when they do well, especially in this day and age where everything seems to be a ground for competition. It is important to remind our children that getting to the top of anything does not require putting footprints into someone’s back along the way.
The Bully~
What good parenting skill is needed if you suspect that it is your child who is being the bully? In parenting about bullying, this may seem difficult, especially if we can not take off the rose colored glasses through which we see our children’s behavior. Half the battle is being able to admit our child is capable of such acts of unkindness. We want our children to be successful, happy and filled with a great sense of self-esteem. Effective parenting means we must teach our children that healthy self-esteem does not have to be boosted by dominating others.
Gregg’s mother gave a gem of good parenting advice when she witnessed him bullying a younger neighbor. She asked him, “What if someone did that to you, called you name, picked on you and found it amusing to see you so scared? Think about how it would feel to be totally powerless and threatened all the time by someone. Then put yourself in their shoes.” He recalls he was speechless and felt terrible after understanding how that kid must have felt.
Traumatic home environments can cause a child to act out and become a bully, no doubt. But many good parents, with good children are astounded to find out their child is capable of bullying. Many will flat out deny their child would do such a thing. What if your child was just like Gregg and just did not think his actions through to the consequence. What if your child did not understand how that child truly felt? Gregg will always be grateful for the lesson his mother shared with him on the subject of parenting about bullying.
Teach your children to love and be accepting of themselves and others. People, who bring misery to others, often have low self-esteem. When your children grow with love and self-esteem, appreciation for life and an ability to be sensitive to the needs of others follows. The need to bully will be extinguished when the child truly believes the affirmation “I unconditionally love and accept myself.”
The Victim~
Christine recently interviewed Dawn Grant who is in the process of disciplining her daughter. Dawn explains that her daughter was becoming sneaky about bullying her brother as well as other unacceptable behaviors. Dawn is taking the approach of reinforcing the behavior which she would like to see instead of reinforcing what she does not like. She took away the things her daughter enjoys like TV, cell phone, and computer games. The time devoted to those activities is now used to tutor her little brother. She is required to perform two acts of kindness for each family member every day (and she has to come up with them herself with no help). She is required to keep a gratitude journal about these 30 days. The other day, the daughter said that she realized that her mother was not mean like she thought and was grateful.
If you are the parent of a child that is falling victim to bullying, you can take this same approach. Reinforce what your child what your child wants instead of reinforcing the victim aspect. Explain to your child that bullying is a form of self-loathing; they have something deep inside of them that they don’t like. Rather than accept it or try to change it, bullies seek a target outside of themselves. Help your child to see that the bully is seeking acceptance, love and friendship. Help your child find that their similarities out way their differences. Explain that giving energy to being scared will only attract the bullying more. The more your child can see the bully as the same and not to be feared, you will find that the bully no longer is attracted to singling your child out. Emotional Freedom Technique is a wonderful way to clear the emotion of fear.
Parenting is about being present, being aware and loving them through the challenges.
Here's to being a Passion Parent!
Christine Hiebel & Gregg Seeley
Christine Hiebel, Life Style Mentor and Successful Entrepreneur, is helping many become the next success story. Whether you're looking to create an extra few thousand dollars per month, be an ex-corporate executive, or the next millionaire Mom, Christine can assist you to create a second stream of income and greater peace of mind. visit : Passion and Purpose
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