Stop! An Unhappy Marriage Can Be Saved! This Is How...
Why are you going through an unhappy marriage when you may be able to find a way to keep you and your spouse, or partner together? Answer this question: Do you take your fair share of responsibility in your marriage (or partnership), and do you always do your best to avoid arguments? The honest answer, for many of us, is probably no. If you answered yes, you are probably deluding yourself! An unhappy marriage, or partnership, is often the outcome of such delusion.
One thing you need to do is stop playing the 'blame' game, and do something about controlling the arguments. If you do it can result in positive change for the better. We all know, when it comes to improving intimate relationships, there are no 'magic-bullets' that can provide 'magical answers'; it takes an open mind - and some action - to help bring back the happiness to your relationship.
To start you moving in the right direction there are two things that should help you focus your mind on making the improvements you seek. These are:
1 - Accepting responsibility for your own actions, and, 2 - How to deal with arguments, and how to use them as an opportunity for positive change. If you can start the process by being frank and honest about your own attitudes to both of these issues, you will find some practical ways that should help to bring your relationship running smoothly again.
Let's start with that old chestnut, 'responsibility'. There are occasions, for many of us, that we transfer all of the blame for our unhappiness onto our partner. It is quite possible that what may be going wrong in your relationship is totally their fault. Turning this thought around is another option. It could well be, if you are completely honest with yourself, that you could be a part of the problem too. Take some responsibility and acknowledge the fact that, if things aren't totally rosy for you, it is as much your 'problem' as it is theirs.
You will start to to move forward, and not backward or sideways, by taking responsibility! Don't put all the onus of responsibility onto your partner. Be positive, and try to be fair. Whatever you do, don't shirk your responsibilities and take time to think your situation through properly. Take some time to analyze what it is you are doing (or not doing!that might be creating the problem. Try to be honest with yourself and you may put your finger on the problems that are the most serious for you, and then you will be able to do something about them.
Think of it this way. How many times, when something goes wrong, do you say: "But that isn't my problem! It's the responsibility of...". It may well be that you are right and none of what is happening in your marriage is your fault. Ask yourself this question; "If I carry on blaming him/her and making him/her take all the responsibility?"will that help me to move in the direction of 'solving' the problem?"
The answer is almost certainly... probably not! So, don't push all the 'responsibility' onto your spouse or partner. You have to show him, or her, that you're prepared to take your fair share of the blame for things not being as you want them to be.
The best selling author on all things to do with relationships is Steven Covey. In his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, says that responsibility is simply the " ability to choose our response.Remember, we do not have to respond to stimuli and triggers the same way we have always done in the past. We do have a choice. To make the progress you clearly want to make, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, it may involve us practicing a real commitment on our part to letting go of 'old patterns of behavior'. So, try something new. Relationships are often much better served if the end result is not to be an argument.
At this point, rather than cover the second major issue that causes serious problems in most relationships - the dreaded argument - I will be covering this in my next article. There are some very effective 'tools' to stop the arguments from getting out of hand, so you don't end up getting uptight and angry.
For the time being, please give some serious thought to working on taking your share of the responsibility in your relationship, so you don't have to endure an unhappy marriage for much longer! The ball is now in your court... so instead of being stubborn try to be positive! In the meantime take Steven Covey's advice and choose your responses carefully when communicating with your spouse, or partner. With a small amount of practice, to change those old habits, that probably aren't doing either of you any good! Until next time... bye for now!
Why not look at other sites to see if they have some answers which can help you resolve the issues in your unhappy marriage ? This is a really good site, with some very good practical ideas: www.relationship-secrets.com
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