How often have you made the response: "Yes, but...." to a decision you're considering? Are you just negative or do you truly believe there are reasons why you shouldn't follow through? I'll bet it's a mixture of the two.
Allow me to introduce you to Andrea, a twenty-five year old office manager in one of many departments of The State of California. She joined one of my weekend groups after learning that it wasn't going to be "one of those therapy groups". She soon learned that others in the group were also struggling with decisions related to leisure activities. Her's was the desire to study modern dance. These are several excuses she concocted for herself:
The Old List
1. I don't have the time.
2. What if I discover I'm just a "klutz".
3 My boy friend may feel neglected.
4. I won't take it seriously enough.
5. What if I lose interest?
She soon learned that all her excuses signified a habit of negativism, primarily the self-effacing ones.
By the end of the day she had a new perspective and a positive response to every negative item in the list of excuses.
The New List
1. If I want to do it sufficiently enough, I'll find time. If not, maybe I really don't want to do it.
2. So what? I just want to have some fun with something I've always thought about.
3. How do I know that? Why not talk to him about it?
4. If I get bored with it, so what? I just might get interested in something else.
The excuses we create for ourselves (or against ourselves) are a reflection of the personal expectations (or lack thereof) we may hold. If you expect the fulfillment of all your goals, you're likely to feel disappointment if you don't fully succeed. But if you expect the fulfillment of even the most personal goals, you'll brush aside the excuses and make room to accomplish your desire.
Several months following my seminar, I saw Andrea dance in a local dance presentation. She was quite good!
Dr. Rollin is also the author of The Psychology of Communication Disorders in Individuals and Their families as well as Counseling Individuals with Communications Disorders. He has an active therapy practice in Sacramento, California and continues to offer his popular decision-making workshops. Visit his website at decisiondr.com.
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