The Control Factor

Studies show that much of your happiness is in direct proportion to the amount of control you have in your life. The more you feel you are in control of your life and its direction, the happier and more content you will be. If you are in a job you despise, or in a relationship with someone who is causing you stress, your lack of control of these two important dynamics in life will create frustration. Often this frustration results in overeating or substance abuse, which can lead to more stress as the food and/or substances take control. Long-term stress wears on your mind and body resulting in psychosomatic illnesses.

When I was young, the tension in my house was so thick my Dad used to say, “You could cut it with a knife.” When I joined the karate school, I used that as an escape from that tension. When you are young, you have very little control over your life. You are at the mercy of your parents and almost everyone else in authority or bigger than you. If you are in an environment of tension and violence for an extended period of time, you feel even more powerless and out of control. The karate school gave me a way to gain control, power and respect.

Even though the classes were sometimes brutal, I knew that if I followed instructions and I endured the pain I would gain the respect of advancing in the belt ranks. As you advance in rank, your position within the school rises with the level of respect for higher belts. With each belt, came more control for me. I went from being intimidated and powerless at home to being accorded respect at the karate school. I was gaining control of my life.

This is the beauty of how the martial arts can help you to redefine yourself. As I entered adulthood, I was hired to teach classes for $5 per class. During the day, I had a job as a bus boy clearing tables where my experience was, “Graden! Clear off table six!” At nighttime at the karate school it was, “Mr. Graden. Would you please have a talk with Joey. He’s getting into trouble at school. He looks up to you so much…”

Which do you think appealed to me? As a martial artist, I was gaining control of my life and it was wonderful.

In psychology, the principle of control in your life is often referred to as, “locus of control.” Most stress, frustration and anxiety, along with the physical ills they create, is result of feeling out of control in some important area of life. This is an external locus of control. It’s generally accepted that an external locus of control is usually negative. If you feel your life is controlled by your job, debt, a bad relationship or the behavior of others, this creates tremendous stress. It feels as though you are without a rudder and being blown by the winds of fortune. Over time this can develop into depression, insomnia and an overall feeling of resignation and resentment about your situation.

By: John Graden

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John Graden is a fun, exciting, and inspirational speaker, author, and trainer. John Graden is the author of The Impostor Syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling you're not as smart, talented, or skilled as others think you are. Learn more about the book at: www.TheImpostorSyndrome.com A martial arts master teacher, Graden is the author of five books and a renowned expert in motivation and success. www.johngraden.com