The Sandwich Generation – Caring For Elderly Parents
One morning when my father woke up (He was 93 ½) he suddenly could hardly see. He’d had a little macular degeneration but was receiving those eyeball shots and was doing OK. But unbeknownst to him, his eyes had been internally bleeding during the night. As of that morning he suddenly couldn’t see to drive, not even to the store. Couldn’t read food labels (or anything for that matter), couldn’t watch TV, could hardly see his microwave or phone buttons. Besides that, he was totally deaf in one ear, with 50% hearing loss in the other. He’d experience sudden hearing loss a couple years previous.
Dad was in a panic and didn’t know what to do. Up until that morning, he’d been able to play 18 holes of golf three times a week. He cooked all of his own meals with fresh food. At his age he was still a really good driver, so drove his “younger friends” everywhere because they couldn’t. He also cleaned, maintained, and lived in his own home. I know this is probably over the top for a 93-year-old senior citizen. But it’s what he was used to, and now life as he knew it was radically changed. And mine too.
He’d lived in Arizona for 25 years, but now our family rushed him back up to his home state where he entered an assisted living community near me. I had many years of working with seniors in various capacities. But nothing came close to what I experienced in helping my own once-very-active father who had both extreme hearing and vision loss. Through the next weeks and months I learned to develop an all-important Plan to address various elderly issues. I learned the fundamentals of caregiving, and the delicate balance between my help and his strong independence. And about his dignity and self-esteem. And all about, first hand, assisted living and continuous care. Not to mention interfacing with hearing and vision specialists to help him maintain quality of life.
Even though he was in assisted living, I took on many, many secondary caregiver duties. In many ways it was easy because he has such a positive attitude, no matter what. But because of vision and hearing challenges, he was unable to make friends and socialize. I knew he was becoming lonely, despite my daily visits. I learned new ways to keep him busy – and yes, there are many activities deaf-blind people can do. He now uses a special government-sponsored books on tape program, with a special machine that adjusts sound frequencies so he can actually hear it! I also got him special infrared ear phones for watching TV – a 52 incher – and he can actually see basic forms, movement, and shapes. He’s really thrilled with even that, and has a little something to do to fill his hours. We devised ways for him to maintain his good nutrition and healthy snacking – sometimes difficult in an institution.
Caregiving and sandwiching pieces of life can be seen as a burden. But to me, the joy and satisfaction of getting to know my father in new ways have been very special. Recently we decided he should move in and live with me since he’s healthy as a horse except for vision and hearing loss. This may bring new challenges, and we’ve already discussed ways to work them out. And he’ll have me around to help and keep him company all the time.
I am making new memories now, caring for my father. And they will be with me for the rest of my life, long after he is no longer here. If you’d like to learn more about caregiving, concerns and choices, and information about many other elderly issues, please visit our web site.
Mary Schulte is the founder of ElderOneStop, LLC -- www.elder-one-stop.com -- specializing in one-stop resources and information for seniors and baby boomers -- including health, caregiving, nutrition, activities, gifts, retirement, housing, travel, and more. A free newsletter is available, as well as a web site subscription.
Also see Care of Elderly - Don't Be Overwhelmed.
Click the XML Icon Above to Receive Elderly Care Articles Via RSS!
