Thou Are That

It was a fun conversation! I wasn’t trying to be a parent or an adult, it just happened. She was sitting in the back seat on her way to gymnastics class. As we were talking, she told me that one of her classmates was dumb. I immediately shot back that “what you see in others is what you are inside.” So, I jokingly concluded “when you call others dumb, that really means you are dumb.”

She became very quiet for a moment. She then responded “Well, I think you are nice.” My heart melted and I thanked her for her kind words.

She giggled in that little girl way and told me that I didn’t get it. I asked her what she meant. She smiled and said “Since I said that you were nice, that means I am the nice one.”

I got it. For the rest of the day it became a fun game. We enjoyed correcting ourselves and saying nice things about each other and other people. There was much laughter in the car in our travels that day. Later that night, as she was talking with her mother, she said something negative about someone else. I looked at her with a smile and she covered her head with a blanket saying that she didn’t want to hear the truth at that moment.

A child’s game perhaps. Perhaps not!

As I talk with people and attend meetings, I see the same lack of integrity. In public situations, some people make judgmental and sometimes negative comments about others through logical arguments or factual incidents. In private, among others with whom they consider themselves safe, some people ridicule and slander others without any restraint. Rumors are embellished and reputations are ruined.

Sometimes people who speak up in public against this type of behavior are labeled as troublemakers. Some who do not openly join the bandwagon are banished as non-players in the world of organizational politics. Many good and intelligent people have lost positions and influential power in this way. They as individuals not only lost but the organization also lost an important and valued perspective.

Joseph Campbell begins with what is good in people and not with what needs to be corrected. The saying, “thou are that “, was his platform for not only understanding world mythology and spirituality but for living his life. Joseph Campbell explained that he was always in amazement how others would come to someone in need.

He told story after story about people who acted heroically or performed simple acts of kindness for total strangers. He concluded that what we see in other is inside of ourselves. When we see people in need, we are moved by compassion to do what is right in that moment. Campbell felt that by acknowledging others in this way, we were recognizing and valuing our own selves.

So what does this have to do with integrity? Integrity is wholeness, consistency and purity. What you see in other is a part of you. When you separate yourself from others you separate that part of you from yourself. This is a step away from integrity and away from your self. When you condemn others, you diminish yourself, especially in front of your family and colleagues. It is a slippery slope of anger, frustration, blame and denial.

The next day, my step-daughter asked me “What happens if the person is really not smart?

I answered –your friend is who she is. If she really isn’t smart, then she needs your help not your condemnation. The dumb thing was that you separated yourself from her because of how she did in school. Would you like others who do better in school to call you dumb? Or would you like them to help you in a kind way?

She got it. Did you?