Do you know the number #1 problem in marriage and the number #1 cause of divorce? If you said "money" you'd be right. If you're constantly arguing about money - how it's spent, how much is spent and who's spending it - learn why in all good marriages there are mutually defined financial guidelines.
1. Discuss financial issues and set boundaries. Be accountable.
Both partners need to know and be accountable for what they have and what is being spent.
If one partner controls the money, the balance of power in the relationship will always be a skewed.
The proper time for this discussion is at the beginning of a relationship when funds are being co-mingled.
2. Asking for money is demeaning. Everyone needs to have his/her own money, regardless of the amount.
Set up the relationship so both partners have access to their own money even though funds are co-mingled.
It is very demeaning for one partner to ask another for money all the time. This does not mean that big financial decisions are not discussed and jointly decided, but rather, within an agreed upon budget, each person can have access to money and make financial decisions on their own.
3. Don't spend more money than you can afford - it depletes your energy.
Money is green energy. If you spend more than you have, you will deplete your energy and spend your time worrying how to borrow from Peter to pay Paul.
Except for sex, money ranks right up there with arguments and frustration.
It's important for both partners to know how much you have, how much you can spend, and how much you want to save, and to follow an agreed upon plan.
4. Be honest - Don't hide your purchases or lie about how much you have spent.
Nothing is worse than lying about purchases - it always catches up. Speak up and be accountable.
Now is the time to be PART of the plan and take financial responsibility.
If need be, ask your partner to sit down and explain the finances to you.
How much do you owe on your house? Your car? How much debt do you have? What pieces of property do you own? Do you have a 401K? Is there a pension fund? How much will you be getting from social security?
5. Be open - Share all financial information with your partner.
If your partner is not willing to share with you all your financial information, it is your responsibility to get it. My suggestion is that you do.
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