Top Five Teen/parent Conflicts And How To Solve Them
Parents today face different challenges than those posed by teens when they, themselves, were kids. Here’s a rundown of the top five universal parent/teen, and how you and your teens can tackle them together:
What’s the number one source of contention between parents and their teens? “Money!” said Margaret Sagarese, co-author of The Roller Coaster Years. “Teens and especially younger adolescents want stuff – expensive stuff. Yet they aren't old enough to work for it. Today's young people are under enormous pressure from advertisers and marketers to feed their materialistic appetites – that in part, we parents, too, have created. Whether it's a Playstation or a ridiculously priced handbag, what's a parent to do?”
Sagarese suggests empathy. “Admit you know how it feels to want things beyond your financial reach. Don't discount your child's wants.”
Second, Sagarese advises talking about delayed gratification in a way they can grasp. Start giving kids an allowance when they are children; encourage them to save a portion toward a coveted item so those habits are deeply instilled by the time they reach teen years. Brainstorm as a family how to embrace a simpler life and offset materialism.
Another top conflict in today’s world between parents and teens is when kids demand, “Why can’t I get a tattoo?”
Young adolescents, said Sagarese, are developmentally focused on identity and expressing themselves and experimenting with certain looks. Parents might consider alternatives – a new hair cut, a fancy manicure, or wash-off henna tattoos – instead.
Overprotective parents pose a source of potential strife “To parents, the world is a more dangerous place then when we were young. So parents do get too fearful. There is a difference between parents being paranoid and over-protective and parents supervising. Give your tweens and teens freedoms one at a time,” suggests Sagarese. “If they handle a new freedom well, then bestow more. Studies show kids may not be thrilled with limits, but having them imposed makes them feel loved.”
Today’s technology poses another problem. “Today's tweens and teens have never known a world without the PC! They love technology. They still need limits set on how many hours they spend plugged in,” reminds Sagarese. “Kids this age love to be in control of you for a change, and the expert in the house. So take a lesson from your child on web surfing. Play video games with your teen so you can see if a game is too violent, repetitive junk, or one that stimulates thinking and decision-making. As for cell phones and texting devices, teach etiquette.”
Finally, alcohol and drugs present another possible life-threatening conflict. “Parents need to set a good example where alcohol is concerned,” said Sagarese. “Your kids are watching you. It's common for kids to experiment during these years. Don't let a child go without consequences if he or she drinks or smokes pot. Studies show half of parents don't punish after a violation. Never, ever serve underage teens alcoholic beverages. It's illegal. It makes them think you endorse underage drinking.”
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For more information, contact Margaret Sagarese, coauthor of The Roller Coaster Years, at msagarese@aol.com. Sagarese gives a popular talk on Materialism called "Managing Our Material Girls and Boys."
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