Transitions - Moving Through Grief

The most difficult stage of labor is named transition. It is that moment when the life force totally has its way with the woman gifting the world with a new life, when the womb forces the emerging being from within the safe darkness, down into the birth canal. The pain is at its most intense, and the mother is in the grip of a force than cannot be resisted. She has no option but to hand over herself to God, and to her helpers, and breathe this new being into the world.

Without choosing, we sometimes find ourselves in life transitions. Our torment can seem unendurable, and the process continues, impervious to our efforts to ease it. In our feeling of helplessness, we cry out to our God, and we fall on the helping hands around us. And unaccountably, we survive it, and the new self we labor to breathe into life, emerges.

I never believed that at this time in my life I would face the enduring of such events, or face such drastic changes in my life. However, in the midst of this pain, and amidst these irreversible losses, doors are opening.

I remember my treasured grandmother, and the women her age. Were in a member of their generation, I would be well on my way to becoming an old woman, retreating closer to home, and easing up on my responsibilities. I look at my hands, and the physical signs of age are apparent. But I touch my spirit, and I know I am still...just me.

This last year I have lost much of that which I loved best, and that which I held onto to define me. Some of those dearest to me in all the world are now gone. But I passed the test. I stood on the crossroads, and I chose to remain, and keep moving forward, to redefine myself not by my losses, but by my choice to reclaim life. The Holy Mother remained by my side through this transition murmuring, "I too knew loss." .

With God's help I comprehended that the way to reclaim our life is to give our life away. I understand that I still have so much to give, much yet to receive. I had the beautiful fortune last year to spend six wonderful months in the lovely country of Romania. Little did I appreciate then, that that time, and those dear souls I met there, would turn out to be God's gift of grace to get me through this dark time. Romania calls and I return now at last to fulfill my dream of becoming a part of these amazing people's lives. By August I should be back in my beloved Romania, talking with my dear friend, and eating our dinner together...sharing the quiet pleasures of mamaliga and goat cheese, and perhaps if I am blessed, a little tuica.

I must honor my beloved son David, who strides the road less traveled, and who has been a brick in my foundation for his whole life. Dave you are a true human being; you have given me the most honest, most powerful, purest love any human being has ever been blessed with. You are a guiding light on my path, now and for always. I could not have made it without you.

By: Carolyn Elizabeth Blake

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Check in with Carolyn Blake to see how she is learning new skills and continuing with ongoing personal growth in her walk through a new life. Written April, 2008