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Validate Me!
I long ago realized that one of the biggest things people are trying to receive from you is love. Your love will always win someone over whereas your hate will always push someone away. Even the coldest person, who may not show their gratitude for your love, will one day accept your love and treat you as you should be treated. The second thing that all people are trying to receive from you is validation about who they are, how they think, and what they are trying to say to you. They want to know that what they are saying or doing means something to you. You know this to be true if you look at yourself. I know I only talk about things that mean something to me, and I want people to understand that it means something. For instance, if I tell my husband something about my day, I don't just tell him because it's something to say to him; I tell him because it bothered me or made me happy, and I need that validation that the effect it had on me was okay or worth it. If he doesn't validate what I'm telling him to be bothersome or happy then I get upset and feel like he doesn't feel my feelings were okay. I need him to validate my feelings about the situation. Of course validating someone goes much bigger than just what they did in their day. This is why when you tell someone their belief system or memory of an event is wrong they get so defensive. You are hurting their ego, and their ego is in part run by what they feel to be true, and they want you to validate what they feel to be true. Validation is also just about listening. You don't have to agree with someone and their beliefs but you should listen. They are taking the time to talk to you and share something with you and you should validate what they are saying as something you feel worthy of hearing. I worked at a nursing home for a while and the residents there all loved to talk. I always made sure to listen to them and respond appropriately to their messages. They were not just talking for the sake of talking, although they did enjoy the company, but they were talking to share their knowledge, their history, their wisdom, and essentially their life. If I had not validated them while they talked to me, and instead turned up my nose or argued their point of view, then I would essentially be telling them that their life didn't matter to me. And it doesn't mean that I was personally the only person who could validate them, but it did mean that I was someone who could not validate them which would ultimately make them feel upset, hurt, or bad about what they shared. I'm glad I took the time to avoid making them feel like that. The point is you want to be validated in life and so does every person you meet along the way. Give them the acceptance that they deserve and you will see that people respond better to you than if you didn't give them the attention, and validation, they deserve. Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com Kari is the owner of Manifest Connection, a personal development website for your mental, physical, and spiritual self. You can also visit her blog at manifestconnection.blogspot.com where she shares more personal things that she learns along her path in life. |
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