We Need Not Follow Murphy's Law

Most of you should be familiar with the admonition: "If anything can go wrong, it will". The saying tends to strike a familiar chord as it's a means by which we try to handle negative experiences, softening any feelings of failure. Since none of us are immune to failure, it also keeps us on our toes: "If anything can go wrong, it will. If anything can go wrong, it will. So let's make sure it doesn't". If taken too seriously, though, we run the risk of indoctrinating ourselves with too much negativism or cynicism, setting ourselves up for failure after failure.

As I see it, we're more likely to succeed than fail in our typical actions. Like the old Johnny Mercer song, we need to "accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Let's give more attention to our successful decisions and not dwell on those that fall short. Do you ever hear yourself saying any of the following?

1. I always screw up!
2. Can't I ever get things right?
3. I don't deserve success.
4. Happiness is always for others.
5. I'm such a failure!

What we have here is an attitude that sets us up for failure. Whether we learned it in our childhood, or learned it over the years, it's certainly an attitude that needs to be revised. When we perceive ourselves as failures, or always imagine that we'll fail, we actually create what I would describe as a mental environment that guarantees continued failure. Allow me to provide an example.

Pat was chronically depressed about his relationship failures, his frequent job changes, his financial burdens, and about all the little things that "never seem to go right". He thought of himself as a "mess" and had never before sought counseling. Although he recognized his need for change, he continually set himself up for rejection during group sessions, due to his incessant negative attitude towards himself, others and life in general. He thus solidified his original perspective by alienating the other participants.

After some coaxing, Pat began to recognize what he had been doing to himself, and soon felt compelled to take personal responsibility for his actions and attitudes. He no longer wanted to blame external forces. Strange as it may seem, he had difficulty admitting his former achievements, but upon hearing his own criticisms towards others who themselves ignored the positive aspects of their lives, realized his own misconceptions and began to laugh at himself and not take life as seriously as he had.

Please don't jump to the conclusion that the changes in Pat occurred spontaneously. It took strong desire, the courage to listen to others, and the willingness to let go of solid misperceptions. The group process was ideal for Pat because it provided a mirror through which he could gain a new perspective. This is often a useful tool. If you find other individuals negativity unattractive, think of how it may look on you.

By: Walter J. Rollin, Ph.D.

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Dr. Rollin is also the author of The Psychology of Communication Disorders in Individuals and Their families as well as Counseling Individuals with Communications Disorders. He has an active therapy practice in Sacramento, California and continues to offer his popular decision-making workshops. Visit his website at decisiondr.com.