Most of us do not realize that we are all expert teachers. We might not have a teaching degree, but the lessons we teach are extremely important. We instruct others every single day of our lives, often without any clear lesson plan in sight. At times, we might not even be aware of the subject matter we are covering. It happens almost below the surface of our awareness, and we do such a great job that we hardly realize the long-term effects on our students.
However, we can see these lessons in action when people in our lives take us for granted, tune us out, treat us in a condescending manner, or generally disregard our wishes on a regular basis. If we look hard enough and long enough, we can find the roots of these behaviors very early on in our relationships. When we put up with something in order to keep the peace, create a good impression, or avoid confrontation, we start this unconscious educational process. Little by little, the people in our lives learn what we will and will not tolerate and what to expect from us. It does not take long for the dynamics in the lessons to become deeply engrained, and then we often start complaining. "Why does everyone always take me for granted? I'm tired of being the "responsible" one. Can't anyone take me seriously? Doesn't my time matter? Don't I matter?"
So what can we do if we are unhappy with the treatment we are getting from others on a consistent basis? We need to start by asking ourselves some important questions. Once we have the answers, we can get great results by consistently acting in ways that support the new lessons we plan to teach!
Take some time to respond to the following questions. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you have always had perfectly good reasons for the choices you have made in the past. In the present moment, you can ditch the behaviors that no longer work for you, while keeping the ones that serve you.
1. What have I been tolerating in my life?
2. What boundaries do I want others to respect?
3. What do I need to do when my boundaries are crossed?
4. How and why have I taught others to take me for granted?
5. What can I learn from this?
6. What messages am I sending to others regarding the importance of my own needs, wants, dreams?
7. What new messages do I plan to send?
8. Where can I get the support I need to help me in this process?
Holly Cox is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, a Certified Dream Coach., and a Certified Dream Coach Group Leader.. She is committed to helping women design and maintain "dream-come-true" lives. Sign up for Holly's "Transform Your Life" newsletter at www.mypersonaltransformation.com and get great tips to jumpstart your transformation.
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