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Why Long-term Care Is A Women's Issue
Having a written long-term care plan is important for every family in America, but particularly for women. Almost always, the female takes ultimate responsibility for the day-to-day care of a family member who is ill or disabled. This is not sexist. This is not whining. It’s a fact. In our years of working with financial professionals to assist families with LTC Planning, I have personally listened to the stories of women whose lives have been totally altered due to the long-term care needs of a loved one. Similar stories involving men are also becoming more common. But the majority of informal caregivers in our country -- almost 72% of the estimated 7 million providers of care -- are female. When I talk with couples about planning for long-term care, they often exchange glances and say, “Oh, we’ll take care of one another when the time comes.” That pledge of mutual aid between spouses is touching, and without a doubt, sincere. But it normally comes from people who have yet to observe someone in their circle of family and friends move from independence to a need for care. Those who have observed others struggling with a long-term care need are typically driven to develop a definite plan for long-term care—and that plan rarely includes the option of relying on family. My paternal grandmother, Nana, is a good example of how long-term care affects women. After my grandfather passed away, my father made sure Nana was safe and that she received the attention she needed. During the many years she was healthy, he took the place of his father by being “on call” to help with day-to-day living. He joined her during doctor visits, took her shopping, and called her every day. But when Nana’s health declined and she needed assistance with personal care, my father’s involvement lessened and my mother took over the major responsibilities of Nana’s care. It was my mother, Nana’s daughter-in-law, who handled the intimate tasks of helping her in and out of bed, bathing, and dressing her. This is a very typical pattern. As the level of required care grows more personal and intimate, the male caregivers in the family begin to feel uncomfortable, and the women take over the primary role of caregiver. Women tend to be more comfortable and skilled in this role, especially if they’ve also had children. But providing care comes at a heavy price: with the accompanying emotional and physical stress of being a caregiver, a woman has a 63% higher risk of dying earlier than a woman of the same age who does not become a caregiver. Women often sacrifice their social network and sense of well being to care for a loved one. It seems that every time I talk with my mother, who is now in her late 70s, she tells me about a sister or a friend “having an awful time” taking care of a spouse. These women tell her about the pure physical exhaustion they experience from caring for an adult on a daily basis. They suffer from the depression that comes from shouldering the responsibility alone, and they feel guilty for not being able to “do more.” But the prospect of becoming a caregiver should not be the only reason for women to ask their financial professional about LTC Planning for their family—it’s also vital that they plan for their own care. Women make up the largest percentage of residents in all types of long-term care facilities, with the majority being widowed or divorced. Because we usually marry men at least a few years older than ourselves, and we live about seven years longer than men, by age 85, only 13% of women are still married. By contrast, men make up the majority of people being taken care of at home. Normally, a wife or daughter helps her husband and parents through to the end. But her resources are limited when she needs long-term care. Unable to rely on informal, unpaid care from relatives at home, older women are usually forced to rely on more formal and costly solutions, such as a nursing home. For example, although both my grandfathers lived to a ripe old age, neither of them spent time in a nursing home or other type of care facility. As both grandfathers became weaker and more debilitated due to old age and illness, my grandmothers once again found themselves in a mothering role, this time responsible for their husbands’ daily care at home. By contrast, both my grandmothers spent their last years in care facilities, progressing from senior apartments to assisted living communities, and finally to a nursing home. This is the typical trend: a husband can generally count on receiving good care in his own home, provided by his spouse. If his wife can’t provide the care personally, she will use their assets to hire and supervise full- or part-time caregivers Could I be a caregiver for my husband? Sure I could. Do I want to? No. Does this mean I care less for my spouse? That I’m a selfish person? No. It means I care enough to plan. To make sure my family and I have choices if someone we love requires long-term care. Choices for women were limited in earlier generations. Thankfully, we now have access to the knowledge and resources needed to actively participate in planning ahead for our family’s well being. We will always be “caretakers,” but our role today includes careful advanced planning for the potential long-term care of our loved ones and ourselves. If we don’t proactively plan ahead, the comfortable and healthy retirement we envision may be greatly altered, and even cut short by the consequences of providing or receiving long-term care. Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com Allen Hamm is the founder of Superior LTC Planning Services, Inc. and has been assisting people with long-term care planning for over 20 years. He is the author of the book, "How to Plan for Long-Term Care." For a complimentary copy of the e-book version, go to www.superiorltcplanning.com/book.html |
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