Welcome To Motherhood - I Will Tell You The Facts About Being A New Parent
My Daughter is Hannah when she was first placed in my arms I did not feel the over whelming love that I expected to automatically happen. You are led to suspect that when you have your newborn that something incredible happens and your life will never be the same again. Well the second thing is correct your life has changed forever and it has changed so much that you are never quite the same again. From the day I took her home I could not help feel that she had intruded on my life so much that I would never recover. The tiredness you feel to the point of sickness is so awful that nothing can prepare you.
When people say it does get better, at the stretch you wish they would shut up because you feel like you are the only one in this situation and others around you are coping so much better. I used to tour to a playgroup on a Friday morning and appear at some of the Mothers. They all had makeup on and were dressed so well wholly in eradicate. I just sat there worn-out, plump, and miserable wondering if this was how my life was meant to be. Most of the stretch I had not even had a shower and had sick down my top and I did not care.
Just getting out of the house was a chief achievement for me. I suspect back and realise several the difficulty was the fact that because I was a bit older I had a good life before Hannah could get up when I wanted go out when I wanted only my self to please. When you have children in your twenties most people will find that they have not had chance to have luxury vacations and to go out every night etc.
At 35 I had enjoyed my spare time and loved lying in bed on a Sunday morning reading the papers with a cup of tea. This was what I missed my mature life I wanted it back and felt I had made a big mistake. This of course made worse with the PND I was suffering that at the stretch I did not realise I had. The crying all of the time the feeling of helplessness that no-one understood was awful. The stupid thing is that all of this only lasted a few months but it felt like a lifetime and as soon as I saw the doctor everything changed. It took a while but soon I began to feel so much better.
I woke up one morning and looked at her in the cot and felt such joy that I knew I actually must have been so poorly that I could not have realised this earlier. Every day now I believe how lucky I am to have her. She is a constant source of amusement in every way I did not realise how much you could love something and how much it affects you. I would not be without her she means everything to me. The problem now is I dispair on a daily basis about things happening to her and I know this is standard for every Mother but life is a worry and you have to try and not put your fears into your child.
