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  • Baggage Handling - And Not The Kind You Take On Vacation!  By : Olivia M
    My friend Susan, a beautiful, intelligent and successful professional single, recently announced that her tumultuous 6-month relationship was over. "He's got too much baggage and I don't know how to handle it", she explained over a skinny decaf latte at our weekly hangout session. So how much baggage is too much, and when do we hang out the "overloaded" sign?
  • 7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true...
  • Anniversary Blues  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their early thirties. In spite of loving each other deeply, they often find themselves in conflict over seemingly minor issues, as most couples do. Recently, just one week before their wedding anniversary, they had a particularly hurtful argument. Jamie had expressed her unhappiness about Kurt’s busy schedule and the limited time he finds to spend with her. As usual, Kurt promised to try harder and they got through it.
  • Can This Relationship Be Helped?  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Perhaps their partner is totally uninterested in working on the relationship. Perhaps their partner is an alcoholic or drug addict. What are their chances of saving their relationship?
  • Discerning The Loving Heart  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    How often have you had the experience of connecting with someone – a friend or a potential partner – who turns out to be an uncaring person? At first you think this is a really good person, and then down the line you discover that the person is self-centered, narcissistic, angry and uncaring. You wonder how you could be so wrong, and what can you do differently next time?
  • Ending Relationships Gracefully  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    In my counseling practice, I often hear the question, “How do I end a relationship without hurting someone’s feelings?” Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, ending it gracefully is generally a challenge.

    The problem arises because so many people see it as a reflection of their worth when someone doesn’t want to be with them. “If I was good enough, this person would want to be with me, so there must be something wrong with me.”
  • Fight, Flight, or Loving Action  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Fight or flight - our automatic response to danger. When fear is present, adrenaline pours into our system to prepare us to fight or flee - from the tiger, the bear, the lava from the volcano….

    Fight or flight - today we automatically respond this way to the present dangers, the deep fears that come up in relationships: rejection and engulfment - fears of loss of other and loss of self.
  • How Can I Get My Partner To Change?  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - how much of your thinking time is spent on what to say to your partner to get him or her to be the way you want him or her to be?
  • Rediscovering Love and Intimacy  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of 14 years, had just expressed to her that he wanted to end their relationship. Wendy, terrified of being alone, was panicked. Within a few minutes of speaking with her in a phone session, I understood exactly the underlying cause of their relationship problems.
  • Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and bending our values?
  • Trust Starts with You  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    “I have a hard time trusting people.”

    “I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife).”

    It is very common for me, in my work as a counselor, to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It’s about you become a trustworthy person with yourself and learning to trust yourself.
  • Power Struggles – Being Right or Being Loving  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Mandy and Evan consulted with me for couple’s counseling because they were always bickering. Every little thing seemed to become an issue between them. They loved each other very much, but the bickering was certainly getting in the way of enjoying each other.
  • To End or Not to End Your Relationship  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Vanessa, 30 years old, is struggling with whether or not to end her six-year marriage. The answer is not at all clear to her.

    Vanessa and Jon have a “good” marriage. They are kind and caring with each other. They enjoy many of the same things. So why is Vanessa in such turmoil over whether to stay or leave?
  • The Powerful Secret to A Loving Relationship  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    There are many factors that go into creating a loving relationship. Certainly it helps if two people have some things in common regarding how they like to spend their time. It also helps if they have common values around religion or spirituality, around politics, the environment, abortion, and personal growth.
  • Relationships: Giving to Get  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Are you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving, or are you giving to get love?

    I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help:

    “Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4 - 5 days.
  • Speaking Your Truth to Your Partner  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Mark sought my help because he was thinking of leaving his wife, Linda. He had not been feeling in love with Linda for a long time, but they had two children and he really didn’t want to break up the family.

    “Mark,” I asked, “Were you ever in love with Linda?”
  • Overcoming Fears of Intimacy  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Sam, age 42, had never been married. It’s not that Sam had never fallen in love. But every time a relationship had started to move toward commitment, Sam ran.

    When Sam’s loneliness became overwhelming to him, he called me for help.
  • Date Lying  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    A reader of my articles wrote to me about the article I wrote entitled, “Why do People Lie?” He said that he would be “very interested in a similar article with examples about all the lying that women do….At least in the initial stages of dating, women lie sooooo much.”
  • Relationship Deal-breakers  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    In the 37 years that I have been counseling couples, I have discovered that there are only a few issues that are true relationship deal-breakers. Many of the issues that tear relationships apart are not actual deal-breakers. Rather, most divorces and breakups are the result of one or both partner’s unwillingness to learn from the conflicts that exist in all primary relationships. But some conflicts and differences are actual deal-breakers.
  • Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Takers and caretakers – they often seem to find each other! As a counselor who has worked with relationships for 37 years, I can tell you that this is the most frequent relationship dynamic that I encounter.
  • Fear of Engulfment  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Roger, 33, is a successful engineer. Married with one child, Roger called me because his marriage was falling apart. His wife, Laura, had recently told him that the marriage was over unless they got some help. She told him she just couldn’t take it any more.
  • Relationships: Taking Care of Yourself in the Moment  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Maria consulted with me because she was frustrated about the distance she felt in her relationship with her husband, Carl. He wanted to be close to her, but she didn’t feel close to him.
  • Is This Love or Emotional Dependency?  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    One of my clients, whose ex-girlfriend recently broke up with him, asked me the following question:

    “I think I still love her, but is this love or just emotional dependency? Many times I ask myself if falling in love comes from the wounded self because (for me at least) it feels as if I can’t live without the other person. When I give love from the heart I don't expect anything back, but when I fall in love I think this is a different energy.”
  • Why Do People Lie?  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    Amanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset.
  • What Is a Boundary?  By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
    My clients often explain to me how they set a boundary. They tell me something like, “I set a boundary. I told him he has to stop putting me down in public,” or “I set a boundary. I told her she has to be on time from now on,” or “I set a boundary. I told him he has to stop being critical of me.”
  • The Battle of the Sexes!  By : Joseph Ghabi
    During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I realised an important factor that a couple in any relationship might experience. The same issue reached my conclusion whilst talking with the people I’ve dealt with during in some of my private consultations. What am I talking about? I guess it is about time to state my intention!
  • Soul Mates - Do they really exist?  By : Joseph Ghabi
    Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and cultures always refer to their fascination in meeting one day their soul mates. Is Soul Mate a myth? Do they really exist? Or is Soul Mate a figment of our own imagination that can help keep our hope for a perfect relationship and keep our hope alive.
  • The Three Levels of Soul Mates  By : Joseph Ghabi
    From my own personal experience of being involved in certain relationships, I have come to realize there are three different levels of Soul Mates. We discussed Soul Mates in a previous article of mine, ‘Soul Mates - Do they really exists” now we should keep our eyes open and pay closer attention to our relationships, in order that we might recognize those soul mates.
  • Is it Self-Esteem or Self-Confidence or what lies in between?  By : Joseph Ghabi
    I was driven towards looking to the self-confidence and self-esteem in ourselves on a deeper level. How do we evaluate the two?

    On a human level and perhaps whilst growing up, our religion, the influence of the culture of where we grew up in and our parents, are all factors that influence and contribute to our level of self-confidence and self-esteem.
  • I love you!  By : Joseph Ghabi
    The famous three words we never hear enough of in our life. Throughout our life span we keep looking, waiting and hoping for something to take us, or lead us, to our true love. Have you ever wondered where we can find love?

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